


Battle Scars

by whythefujamievenonthis



Category: Holby City
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13385292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whythefujamievenonthis/pseuds/whythefujamievenonthis
Summary: ALTERNATE UNIVERSE - CONTAINS SWEARING - NOT A SMUT FICThe year is 1916, after Lofty is dealt to deal with the loss of a close friend in his squad, Private Dominic Copeland takes that friend's place. Will the pair get on or will they grow to hate each other in the heat of the war zone?





	1. Battle Scars and Memories

The year was 1916, the French trenches were cold and the mud walls were thick with frost, soldiers huddled together and hung to themselves like the icicles that formed around them as they tried to keep as much warmth inside themselves as possible. It was almost Christmas; snow fell from the clouds gently, but none of the soldiers could appreciate how pretty it made their trench (they were to cold for that) - all apart from one. Lofty Chiltern was a Private, no promotions to his name since the War began; as he sat shivering away at his post and waited for further commands he appreciated the light sprinkling of snow that fell from the sky and onto everything in sight, adding a thin layer of white to everything in the process, including his boots (which were in desperate need of replacing). He missed the time they all played football with the other German troops; at least then he could make people laugh with his inability to play the sport, but that had been two years prior - everything had changed. His hands were shaking as the cold settled in his bones, but that didn't stop him from finishing his letter to his grandmother:

  
  


“ _ Granny! I’m writing to let you know how I am. _

 

_ It’s cold, terribly so, but that scarf you sent over is doing me good, the other soldiers are jealous! We’re yet to discover when we go home, but I am hoping soon, since I miss you terribly as well as the others. Please write back and tell me how you are. _

 

_                   All my love, Benjamin” _

  
  


Just as he finished his letter, he felt it snatched away from his grip, when he looked up to see who had taken it he already had a gut feeling as to who it was - and he was entirely correct.

 

“Who’s this to Chiltern?” Asked Jacob.

 

Jacob Wilson was a fellow Private in Lofty’s battalion and squad, and he also hated Lofty entirely (for a reason Lofty couldn’t figure out). After snatching the letter from his grip Jacob began to read the letter to himself, only to burst out laughing shortly after doing so.

 

“You’re writing to your Gran? You don’t have anyone else better to write to?”

 

“Not particularly.” Answered Lofty honestly, unphased by Jacob’s attempt to taunt him.

 

“You don’t have a bird back in England?”

 

“No. If I’m going to die here I see no point in being in a relationship.”

 

“You’re sad Chiltern!”

 

“Does it look like I care for your opinion Wilson?” Asked Lofty as he got up from his post to retrieve his letter, however when he did so Jacob held it in the air above his head so he couldn’t reach it (with Jacob being significantly taller he had the ability to do so), “Wilson don’t be a prick, give me the letter.”

 

“Aww does little Lofty want his precious letter?”

 

“I do. She’s the only person I have left to talk to.”

 

“You’re not wrong there, especially after Charlie walked into No-Man’s land and never came back-”

 

“Private Wilson!” Bellowed a loud and commanding voice. It was enough to make Jacob pause in his attempt to tease Lofty, when the pair of squabblers looked up to see who had yelled, they both saw it was their boss.

 

“Shaun.” Responded Jacob, respect in his voice, his hand still in the air clutching the letter. 

 

“That's Lance Corporal to you. Give the letter back, right now.” Shaun ordered, to which Jacob immediately complied.

 

“Dunno why he gives you special treatment.” Commented Jacob as he dropped the letter at Lofty’s feet, but before he turned to walk away a devilish and cruel smile spread on his face:

 

“One last thing Chiltern.” Added Jacob before he spat on the toes of Lofty’s boots. With that he laughed and turned to walk away. But Lofty was far from finished with him, his anger meeting boiling point as he looked down at his spit covered shoes and now crinkled letter.

 

“Private Wilson.” Called Lofty, making Jacob stop in his tracks, “You forgot something.”

 

Jacob was quick to turn around to face Lofty again, but the last thing he expected was a sharp punch to the jaw from the young Private. Jacob fell to the floor from the surprise blow and stayed there, too shocked to move. Lofty then got down to Jacob’s level and straddled him, ready to punch again when Shaun sharply intervened:

 

“Chiltern! Pack it in.” He shouted.

 

Lofty paused just before his second punch made impact, he thought of the order that’d been given to him, and eventually got up off the frozen and muddy floor to follow his Lance Corporal to somewhere more private, where he could find out what his punishment for his violence would be. Once they entered an empty bunker, Shaun broke out into his almost parental telling off:

 

“Lofty what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

 

“I was provoked.”

 

“That doesn’t give you the right to-”

 

“He spoke badly of Charlie. I wasn’t prepared to let him go unpunished.”

 

“Lofty…”

 

“You know Charlie was a good soldier, a hell of a good soldier, you know what he meant to me. ”

 

It was a short while before Shaun responded, “I know Lofty, I know. And I agree with everything you’re saying, and Jacob _ does _ deserve more than a punch to the face. But as Lance Corporal I  _ can’t _ let you go unpunished. Lofty you’ve changed.”

 

“Of course I have it’s the middle of the great war anyone is going to be-”   
  


“It’s not the war for Christ’s sake! You were the nicest man in my squad, but as soon as Charlie was gone you went cold.”

 

“You would too if you saw what I did.” Replied Lofty, unblinking as his frustration and bitterness showed in his voice.

 

Shaun thought for a moment before thinking of what he could do, “Right, okay, we have a new Private coming into the squad since Charlie’s…  I want you to show them the ropes, what we do and how we do it, it’ll be your punishment, understand?”

 

“What’s their name?”

  
  


                            ----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  


 

Dominic Copeland sat on the transfer train that was taking him to the front lines, his carriage smelled musty and filled with the stench of cheap tobacco that the other soldiers had been smoking by the carriage’s windows. He was already fed up and wanted to be anywhere else but on that train, the thought of the front lines not really phasing him, he tried to block out the smells and endless chatter of the other men by trying to fall asleep in his seat. He allowed his senses to dull as he blocked out the sounds and smells and sights that were smothering him. He just wanted to forget everything, go back to square one.

 

As the train sped past trees and blue sky, nature seemed to slowly twist into sad grey clouds and lackluster fields of mud, the billowing clouds of smoke that erupted from the trains engine flew into the sky and joined together with the clouds. As all this happened, Dominic slept, tired and in need of rest, he did so soundly till the train pulled into the station where he’d be getting off. Upon getting off at the platform with a few other men (that’d be joining him at his position in the front line) another soldier stood waiting to take them to their destination, which they’d be travelling to on an old wooden cart that was dragged along by a strong looking plough horse. It took around an hour for the horse and cart to deliver them to the beginning of the front line, all the other men seemed nervous - but not Dom. When they arrived at the front line Dom was quickly called over by a tall and handsome soldier with Lance Corporal colours decorated on his arm:

 

“Private Copeland?” Asked the man, when Dominic nodded his head he spoke again, “Right, it’s good you're here, you’ll be a part of my squad, follow me.” 

 

The young Lance Corporal began walking back into the trench, and Dominic was quick to keep up with his long strides, as the pair walked through labyrinth of trenches, Dominic’s new commander continued to speak: “My name is Lance Corporal Shaun Miller, as I already said you’ll be a part of my squad, Private Chiltern will be showing and telling you what you need to know.”

 

“Permission to speak sir?”

 

“Permission granted Private.”

 

“What does your squad do here in the trenches?”

 

“We carry out missions, going across No-Man’s land, tricky business but useful.”

 

“Who will I be working with sir?”

 

“You’ll be working with myself and three other Privates: Private Stewart, Private Wilson and of course Private Chiltern.”

 

“What are they like sir?”

 

“Private Stewart is a nice enough chap, good at what he does, young - very young. Private Wilson is a piece of work, but he’s one of the better men I’ve worked with. Private Chiltern however, is the best man for the job, brilliant at what he does despite his shortcomings and more recent behaviour.”

 

“Very good sir, what’ll be my role in the squad?”

 

“You’ll be taking over from Private Charlie Bedrow, but your role for now is to work as a part of the team, understood?”

 

“Where’s Private Bedrow now?”

 

“Dead.”

 

Dom immediately regretted asking, “Sir I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”

 

“It’s alright, just, don’t bring it up to Private Chiltern, you'll probably get a quick punch to the mouth if you do.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

As their conversation drew to a close, the pair arrived at the squad’s section of the trench; only two of the Privates were sat by their beds inside the trench bunker, the other one of them nowhere to be seen, so Lance Corporal Miller immediately began asking questions:  
  
  
  
“Where’s Chiltern?”

 

“Lofty had to go deliver a message.”

 

“To who?”

 

“Nobody important.” Replied Lofty, joining the conversation as he made his way over to where everyone was.

 

“Who the hell do you think you are to go off without my permission Chiltern?" Asked Shaun, trying to look in control in front of his new Private, "You’re not a messenger boy.”

 

“No but I was bored with nothing better to do, and we all know what happened this morning the last time I had nothing better to do.” Replied Lofty, his eyes staring hard at Jacob Wilson, who was quick to look away from his line of sight. In doing so Dom could see the large flourishing bruise that travelled along his jawline.

 

“Who’s this?” Asked Lofty.

 

“Private Dominic Copeland.” Responded Shaun.

 

“Oh, he’s…” Began Lofty.

 

“The replacement.” Said Shaun, finishing Lofty’s sentence for him.

 

Lofty flinched a little before looking at Dominic, “I doubt he’ll do a good enough job of that.” He commented before walking off down the trench again.

 

“Well you can tell he likes you.” Joked Private Stewart.

 

“It seems so.” Agreed Dominic sarcastically.

 

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to go follow him Private.” Said Shaun, “Just, be careful with your words, Jacob already dealt with the consequences of that this morning.” He added, signalling to the bruise on the young soldier’s face. Dom sighed before walking off to follow Lofty, it didn’t take long for him to catch up with the clearly irritable Private. With how narrow the trench was he couldn’t walk side by side with Lofty, so instead he attempted conversation whilst trailing behind him.

 

“My name’s Dominic, but everyone calls me Dom, it’s nice to meet you!” When he received no response he tried again, “One of the Privates called you Lofty back there? How’d that nickname come about?” 

 

“I got stuck in the loft of a German hideout behind enemy lines whilst on a mission.” Replied Lofty, his voice showing the little interest he had for Dominic and his attempt at conversation.

 

“How long were you in there for?”

 

“A couple days.”

 

“How’d you get out?”

 

“With maximum effort.” Replied Lofty sharply.

 

“That’s not what I meant-” Began Dom as they walked into a storage bunker that contained maps and mission supplies.

 

“Here are some coordinates, I want them deciphered onto this map.” Commanded Lofty, handing over the list of coordinates and the map as he changed the subject, “They’ll be used in our next mission tomorrow night.”

 

“Of course, I’ll make a start right away! Where do I get this done?”

 

“In the Squad’s trench section. The bunker in there will have pencils and equipment to mark the map, ask Private Stewart if you need help, his first name’s Jack.”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Don’t mess it up, if you do we all die tomorrow night.”

 

“What am I marking?”

 

“Key bunkers in the German trenches. We managed to gather the coordinates but no images, you need to make sure you get the right bunkers, if you don’t it’ll basically be a suicide mission, as if it wasn’t already.”

 

“Will do sir.”

 

“Very good.” Replied Lofty as he walked off.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I need a walk.”

 

“Want me to come with you?”

 

“Not at all, just get your work done.”

 

                          -------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


That night, after Dom had sorted out all his work, he allowed himself to at least try and enjoy the god awful rations they had for dinner, especially since he was quite proud of himself with the coordinates and map marking (since he hadn't made a single mistake). As he sat with Lance Corporal Shaun and Privates Stewart and Wilson he noticed Lofty sat in the far corner of the bunker, hunched over a rickety desk as he ate his food and wrote. The sound of a soldier’s vinyls being played on a cheap record player could be heard in the background as Dom tried to figure out what Lofty was doing, when he couldn't figure it out himself he eventually (quietly) asked the others:

  
“What’s Private Chiltern doing?”

 

“Writing another letter.” Replied Jack as he finished off his food.

 

“Another letter?” Asked Dom.

 

“Yeah, since Jacob over here decided to mess up his other one.” Responded Shaun, “Luckily he gave you a sharp punch to the face for it didn’t he Jacob?”

 

“Shut your mouth Shaun.” 

 

“You did deserve it.” Commented Jack.

 

“Don’t agree with him!” Cried Jacob, exasperated at the fact he was being ganged up on slightly.

 

“Does he normally sit with everyone?”

 

“He used to, not too long ago, but things change.” Replied Shaun, it was apparent he wasn’t going to say much more on the matter so Dom didn’t ask. 

 

As the night went on everyone eventually decided to go to sleep, despite the bunker being incredibly cramped they made it work, Dom couldn’t help but notice Lofty glare at him as he got under the covers of Charlie’s old bed (with there only being five beds in the bunker, it was the only bed Dom had to choose from). Dom struggled to fall asleep that night. With the heavy amunitions and shell explosions sounding just outside the bunker, his mind always wondered back to the battlefield, all he had to focus on was the bed slats that supported the mattress and bed above his own (which belonged to Lofty). He knew it was stupid not to sleep, but his mind couldn’t relax, his body wouldn’t release the tension it had in its muscles, all he could do was lay there awake till it was time to start work again early the next morning. For around an hour and a half Dom stayed like this, his mind unwavering in its inability to rest, till he heard murmurs of indecipherable words in the bed above his own, in a voice that belong to Lofty - words which eventually became comprehensible.

 

“Charlie…” 

 

Dom froze, guilt flooded through like it was ice water, he felt like he shouldn’t be hearing what he was hearing, like it was a secret that Lofty should’ve been able to keep. But since he wasn’t able to fall asleep, he simply tried to block out the sound of Lofty’s voice, but it still managed to cut through to him.

 

“Charlie you need to get out…” Murmured Lofty, a little louder than before.

 

Dom shifted uncomfortably. 

 

“Listen to me Charlie don’t go any further.” As Lofty spoke, panic grew in his voice, again louder than before.

 

_ Do I wake him? _ Dom thought to himself, unsure if it was a good or bad idea to wake someone up from a nightmare.

 

“Stop! Stop don’t hurt him! Please don’t hurt him…” Lofty was almost yelling at this point, again the panic in his voice heightened as his nightmare continued.

 

_ I should probably wake him.  _ Thought Dom, but just before he had the opportunity to get out of his bed, he heard a sickening:

 

“Charlie!” From where Lofty was at the top of the bunk bed. It was loud, incredibly loud, like he’d yelled it from the top of his lungs. The yelling had managed to wake Lofty and the rest of the squad up, Jack and Shaun were more sympathetic but Jacob was in no mood.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Lofty?” He asked angrily.

 

“Leave him alone Jacob, he had a bad dream is all, we've all had them.” Argued Shaun.

 

“He’s not a kid anymore! He can’t think he can just do this shit, wake us all up, and get off scot free about it. It’s not like this is the first time this has happened either.”

 

“One sec…” Began Dom as he got out of bed, he clambered up to the top bunk where Lofty was sat upright, pale as a ghost and seemingly on the verge of tears. He silently looked at him for permission to join him on the bunk, and Lofty (understanding what he was doing) nodded his head in agreement. Dom promptly sat himself on the top bunk next to Lofty before speaking:

 

“There, I’ll keep an eye on him, so just go back to bed.”

 

“Are you sure?” Asked Shaun, hesitant since Lofty had been quite rude to Dom only a few hours prior.

 

“Positive.” 

 

Shaun gave one last look before complying and going back to bed, Jacob and Jack followed suit (not without Jacob calling Lofty a “Fuckin’ Nutjob” before doing so) whilst Dom stayed up with Lofty. The pair of them sat on Lofty’s bed and said nothing, eventually Lofty relaxed his body and allowed his head to rest against Dom’s shoulder, which Dom couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter at (even if he didn’t understand why). As the minutes went by and pair said nothing, but Dom eventually tried to whisper:

 

“What was the bad dream about?”

 

“I remembered something I’d prefer to forget…” Replied Lofty tiredly, his head getting heavier and heavier on Dom’s shoulder as he slowly drifted into sleep.

 

“Was it about Charlie?”

 

Lofty shifted uneasily a little before responding, “Yeah… I miss him.”

 

“I’m sure you do.”

 

Being as tired as he was, Lofty’s filter wasn’t exactly on, and he felt so comfortable he didn’t mind talking about Charlie in the heat of his tiredness, “When do I stop missing him?”

 

“I can’t answer that, that’s up to you.”

 

Dom heard Lofty reply with a faint “Hmm.” sound before he fell asleep, Dom smiled to himself and contentedly watched the wall directly in front of him. He’d made a promise to keep an eye on Lofty and he wasn’t prepared to break that promise. He pulled the edge of the thin bed cover over and draped it over Lofty’s legs so they didn’t get cold, and allowed himself to be enveloped by the definingly quiet darkness. He failed to sleep that night, or at least he felt like he had, since he eventually saw the sunrise begin to infiltrate its way into the bunker they all inhabited. One by one everyone else began to stir awake for first watch and information gathering, Shaun was fast to get dressed and eat his breakfast whilst everyone was still barely out of bed. Once Shaun was dressed Dom decided it was time to wake Lofty up:

 

“Private Chiltern… Private Chiltern? Lofty!” Exclaimed Dom as he gave Lofty a gently nudge, which made Lofty wake up.

 

“Hmm… Charlie?” Asked Lofty, still half asleep.

 

“I’m afraid not, it’s Dominic.”

 

When Dom said his name Lofty seemed to spring awake, his eyes looked as wide as saucers as he looked up at Dom (who he’d been sleeping on the whole night), “Oh… That’s alright then.” He finally admitted before getting off the top bunk and onto the bunker floor to get ready. Dom tried to ignore the leap his heart gave after Lofty said those words.

 

_ There’s no reason for me to be happy with his words. _ Said Dom silently, trying to convince himself it meant nothing.

 

“Private Copeland pass me the shirt on the end of my bunk, please.” Asked Lofty as he searched for his uniform, Dom was quick to hand it over and Lofty was equally quick to give him a gentle but genuine “Thank you.”

 

Eventually Dom got up off the top bunk and began getting ready, Lofty had already left to go see to his post and Shaun had gone to see to his higher ups, but Jack and Jacob were still there, so the trio conversed:

 

“Seems to actually like you now.” Commented Jack as he struggled to force his heavy boots onto his blistering feet.

 

“Seems so yes.” Agreed Dom happily as he got ready.

 

“I’d stay away.” Argued Jacob, his foul mood from being punched the day before having stuck to him like glue.

 

“And why do you say that?” Asked Dom.

 

“Last friend he had, a proper friend, was Charlie. An’ look where he is now - in a shallow ditch for a grave.”

 

“Surely it wasn’t Lofty’s fault though?”

 

“You could say that, you could also argue otherwise an’ all.” 

 

“I don’t follow?” Said Dom, quite confused.

 

“Jacob leave it, it ain’t your place to be-” Tried Jack before Jacob cut him off.

 

“Poor Charlie was a good lad, bright, would’ve had a decent future after all this, he was shot goin’ over No-Man’s land looking for-”

 

“I don’t need to hear this.” Interrupted Dom, “It’s not my place and it’s not yours.”

 

“Suit yourself mate.” Complied Jacob before going back to spit chinning his boots.

 

“I’m not your mate, not if you’re gonna spread stories like that.”

 

“It ain’t a legend you know? It actually ‘appened. I ain’t spreading fuck all if it actually ‘appened - I’m stating facts.”

 

Dom finished getting dressed before standing up to leave the bunker, as he got to the bunker door way he stopped and turned around to face Jacob:

 

“We’ll be working together, and I want to get on, but with all due respect Jacob: piss off.”

 

Before Jacob even had a chance to respond Dom walked out and over to his post which was close to Lofty’s, he’d done all the map work required for the mission the night before, so he decided to converse with Lofty.

 

“Ah, Private Copeland.” Greeted Lofty as he saw Dom make his way over. Dom was still a little frustrated Lofty hadn’t called him Dom yet (or anything else other than Private Copeland), but he didn’t let it phase him too much.

 

“Lofty! How’s things?”

 

“Cold.” 

 

Dom chuckled a little before speaking again, “Looking forward to tonight?”

 

“Course not, I hate missions, but I suppose if we’re gonna win this war I’m gonna have to do it.”

 

“What’s the plan of action?”

 

“Shaun’ll go over it with us when it comes time to leave, with it being winter it’ll be dark by four, we’ll head out at five when it’s pitch black.”

 

“Sounds good then. I suppose I better get back to my post.” Said Dom, signalling the end of the conversation, he turned and walked away, but as he did so he was stopped by Lofty’s words:

 

“Private Copeland! I just wanted to say… Thank you. Properly, for last night.”

 

“No problem at all Lofty, any time!” Smiled Dom in response.

 

Later that night, when it was pitch black by five (just as Lofty had said), it was time for their mission to begin. Tension had been building in the group all day as the thought of going over the top quite literally loomed above them, stars began to reveal themselves like shells from the war zone had created puncture holes in the sky. Shaun gathered the whole squad for one last run through of the plan before they made their way over to the trench ladders to climb over the top and into No-Man’s land. As they reached the ladders Shaun spoke directly to Lofty:

 

“Can you do this Lofty?”

 

“Of course I can.” Agreed Lofty, “I can handle this.”

 

“Right…” Replied Shaun, not entirely convinced, “Squad it’s time to team up, Lofty with you being the main man of this operation you chose who to partner with, Dominic or Jack, who ever you don’t chose will go with me and Jacob.”

 

Lofty pondered for a moment, not too long, and eventually came to a confident and definite answer:

 

“I want to pair with Dominic.”


	2. Over The Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Dominic's first mission with his squad, but will it all go according to plan?

Everything fell silent in No-Man’s land. Nothing stirred or shook, not even the barbed wire that had a tendency to rattle in the wind, not even the rats that squirmed and wriggled their way into the trenches, there was absolute daunting silence. Dom felt himself holding in his breath, fearful even such an act would lead the German’s to discovering him and the rest of the squad, he couldn’t decided if he felt like a predator sneaking up on it’s next prey or the prey itself… Jack, Jacob and Shaun had travelled in another direction where other marked bunkers were on the map, Dom and Lofty would be working together to take down any others. Hand gun in his holster and his body hugging the ground, Dom felt himself shaking with either cold or adrenaline or fear, or (perhaps) a concoction of all three. As the moon paced silently in the sky, the clouds followed after it, a gentle breeze hit No-Man’s land and the gentle whispers of Lofty’s voice could be heard:

 

“Stop…”

 

And Dom did so.

 

“Play dead.”

 

And Dom did so.

 

Just as Dom and Lofty allowed their bodies to go limp on the ground, a German searchlight went up and began stalking for movement on No-Man’s land. Perhaps it was standard procedure, perhaps the Germans suspected someone was trying to sneak in, Dom didn’t know, but he felt his heart fall to the pit of his stomach regardless. He kept his breath back and focused on Lofty; the way the searchlight outlined him, the way he kept a hold of himself so well in the face of imminent danger, respect coursed though Dom like some exotic drug. They lied there for awhile, seconds, minutes, an hour? Neither were sure, time seemed pointless and void over the top, but it certainly felt like they’d been there an eternity before the searchlight eventually went down, and the pair were cloaked in black sky again.

 

“Very good Dom, very good.” Complimented Lofty as quietly as he could.

 

And then they were off again, on their snail slow journey through No-Man’s land and into the German trenches. They were nowhere near the thick of danger yet everyone was more than ready to go back and call it a day - but then again they were all too stubborn to do that too. Inch by inch Dom and Lofty commando crawled through the open space, keeping as quiet as the field mice that tended to skitter past their legs and arms when they moved. At one point, Lofty stopped:

 

“This is where…” He began, but failed to finish his sentence, “This is where he died.” He eventually finished, signalling to the patch of muddy ground just in front of them.

 

“Charlie?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You alright Lofty?”

 

“Yeah, yeah I’m alright, let’s go. I’m holding us up.”

 

The pair continued, stopping and starting when searchlights flickered on and off, Lofty had an uncanny ability to figure out when they’d turn on. Dom decided not to ask questions in the heat of the moment and they progressed. As the half hours turned into hours, they edged closer and closer to the lip of the German trenches, and Dom felt his mouth go dry.

 

“Dom we’re running out of time, dawn’ll come up soon, and we’ll be shot at like fish in a barrel.”

 

“Let’s go then. They’ll all still be asleep.”

 

“Apart from those on patrol.” Hissed Lofty in response, “We’ll need to take them out.”

 

“Knock them out?”

 

“No take them out for a nice meal, of course I mean knock them out! Wait for Shaun and the others, they’ll start the attack and we’ll follow suit to gather information.”

 

The two instinctively remained glued to the floor, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike, they would hear pacing and footsteps go across the German trench floor below them, the odd conversation in the language neither understood, the occasional laugh as jokes were shared. For at least ten minutes they laid on the muddy floor side by side, their breath billowing out in front of them like steam from a train, the frosty air nipped at their throats as they struggled to keep their shaky and shallow breaths quiet. His heart beating like a drum, Dom felt his whole body turn to lead, and he worried he couldn’t move, pins and needles seemed to prick his skin all over and he shifted uncomfortably:

 

“Don’t worry.” Comforted Lofty, his words being sounded as he breathed out, “You’re doing really well for your first mission.”

 

“What, what do we do when we get over?” Asked Dom, just as quietly.

 

“You stand guard, I’ll go into the bunkers and search for information - don’t worry I’ll only search the empty ones.”

 

“Right. Understood.”

 

As Dom finished his sentence their conversation was cut short, the sound of struggling and gurgles of self defense would be heard a little ways down the German trench, quiet, but Dom and Lofty silently prayed the rest of the team were okay. A few seconds went by before Shaun’s familiar voice would be heard in the German trench:

 

“Lofty!” He hissed.

“Let’s go Dom.” Muttered Lofty, he gently kissed a set of dog tags he had around his neck before he silently lowered himself down into the trench; maybe it was because he’d done it before in other missions, maybe it was because he was just able to, but Lofty got into the trench with ease. However, Dom struggled getting down, so he was quite thankful when Lofty came to his aid and helped him down.

 

“Thank you.” He said to Lofty, smiling a little.

 

“No problem.” Responded Lofty, smiling back.

 

“Right ladies, we have time for bonding later, right now we need to fulfill the mission: Lofty, Dom, you go search the bunkers together, us three’ll keep an eye on things out here.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” Agreed Lofty before turning and walking further down the trench, Dom quickly followed behind him.

 

“Looks like I’m not just the watchman after all.”

 

“It seems not.” Replied Lofty before pulling out the map that Dom had marked with the bunkers, “The mole we sent in here said some bunkers were left completely  empty in the night since they’re supply and information bunkers, we’ll start here.” Whispered Lofty as he pointed to one of the bunkers on the map.

 

One by one the bunkers were searched, Lofty was extremely relieved to find Dom hadn’t made any mistakes whilst marking the map for the bunkers, each time he’d shine a light in a bunker he’d let out a sigh of relief as he saw it was only filled with maps and supplies and other things. What felt like hours (but was in fact only minutes) went by and the pair worked well gathering information kept in the bunkers, Lofty would take the occasional map or supply (such as gun magazines) for analysis later, just as he was really getting into the groove of things however Shaun appeared at the bunker doorway:

 

“Time to go.”

 

Immediately Dom an Lofty rushed out the bunker and clambered the trench wall to get back into No-Man’s land, it turned out Jack and Jacob were dealing with one the soldiers they’d previously knocked out, trying to keep him quiet so he didn’t alert someone of their intrusion into the trench. Once they’d done so (by suffocating him to the point of passing out) they too climbed back over the trench wall and back onto No-Man’s land. Shaun was the last to climb over, as Lance Corporal he had to make sure his privates were safe, the five team members quickly began a fast crawl through No-Man’s land to get back to their own British Trench. As they all believed they’d escaped by the skin of their teeth, the deafening sound of a gun shot rang out through the empty space, birds scattered from No-Man’s land, and all fell silent before a quiet and terrified voice could be heard:

 

“Shit…”

 

It was Jack.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

 

He was bleeding, badly.

 

“This can’t be happening.”

 

He’d been shot.

 

Jack was in the middle of his other four teammates: Dom and Lofty to the left of him, Jacob and Shaun on the right. Lofty and Shaun were the closest to him, and both began to crawl to his aid.

 

“Shaun go back.” Demanded Lofty as the pair made their way over to the now injured Jack.

 

“I’m the one in charge here you have no right to give me orders-”

 

“Just go back with Dom and Jacob, Shaun.”

 

“If you’re trying to prove yourself after Charlie now really isn’t the time-”

 

“I am not letting another man die on this god forsaken land! For Christ’s sake I’m not letting another man go.”

 

“Lofty please just listen to me for two seconds-”

 

“I’ll drag him back, that way you’ll at least have two team members. It’s better to have half a team and leader than three privates with no idea what the fuck they’re doing.”

 

Shaun paused, ready to retaliate, but he saw the look in Lofty’s eyes - and he saw it was pointless to fight back.

 

“I swear to God if you die I’m gonna kill you.” He muttered under his breath, eventually he spoke again, “You heard Lofty, he’ll take Jack back. Dominic, Jacob, you’re coming back with me.”

 

“Lofty don’t do this…” Pleased Dom, “There has to be another way.”

 

“Hey, Dom, look at me.” Began Lofty, trying to calm Dom down, “I’m the man who’s meant to be showing you the ropes, you can’t get rid of me that easily. Don’t worry, I promise I’ll come back with Jack.”

 

“You better keep that promise.” Ordered Dom before looking at Shaun and promptly starting his crawl back to the British trench. Jacob began to follow suit but Lofty was quick to stop him;

 

“Jacob.”

“What do you want?”

 

“The alcohol in your flask..”

 

“I don’t have any-”

 

“Don’t lie to me Jacob. I’ve seen that hip flask during missions, and I need to clean Jack’s wound before I can even start dragging it through the mud.”

 

Eventually Jacob gave in and handed the hip flask over, passing it to Shaun who then passed it to Jack, who shakily handed it over to Lofty. Jacob glared at Lofty before continuing his crawl back to the trench, Shaun gave one last look at Lofty and Jack before saying one last time.

 

“We’ll see you soon lads.” He then crawled away, following Dom and Jacob.

 

“Yeah if I don’t fucking die first…” Complained Jack, trying not to scream with agony, once Shaun was out of earshot.

 

“Shut up jack, if it was bad you’d already be dead.” Commented Lofty.

 

“Well aren’t you nice?”

 

“The nicest.” Agreed Lofty sarcastically as he set about mending Jack’s wound (which was deep in his side); he grabbed the scarf his granny had made him and set it out on the floor alongside the alcohol filled hip flask.

 

“Jesus Christ this hurts like hell... plus I was hoping my nurse would be cuter.” Joked Jack, “And a woman.”

 

“Well since I’m a man I can only meet half of your needs right now.” Replied Lofty, smiling a little at Jacks’ wisecrack, “I’m gonna need you to bite down on this.” He said as he handed Jack a stick from nearby.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because this is going to hurt.” Replied Lofty calmly. Jack promptly put the muddy stick in his mouth and waited for the pain (as if he wasn’t in complete agony already). Lofty, mindful of the German searchlights, carefully and quietly unscrewed the cap to the hip flask, he took in the intoxicating smell of the cheap alcohol inside before speaking again, “Sorry about this.”

 

Jack flinched as Lofty poured the booze on the fresh wound in his side, he felt as if he was going to break the stick with his teeth he was biting down so hard, but he couldn’t scream - if he did that, the pair of them would be discovered. He knew it would help sterilize his wound but the burning sensation that grew in his waist felt like someone was snubbing out cigarette buds on his skin. He moaned in agony, as quietly as he could muster:

“You’re doing brilliant Jack.” Comforted Lofty as he poured the last of the booze out on Jack’s wound, after doing so he grabbed his scarf and carefully wrapped Jack’s waist to contain the bleeding. Once he’d tried the scarf tight enough, it was time to head back to the trench.

 

“Let’s go back.” Said Lofty, he crawled his way over to Jack’s head and shoulders, with Jack still lying front first on the muddy floor, Lofty would have to pull him back using the satchel strap on Jack’s shoulder, as he took hold of the strap Lofty spoke again, “You’re gonna have to help me, use your feet to crawl, I’ll do most of the work.”

 

And then they were off, due to dragging another fully grown man behind him, the journey back to the British trench was a hell of a lot slower than the journey to the German one. Jack did try his best to help Lofty pull him along, but blood loss eventually got the better of him and he felt too weak to move. Worried, this only pushed Lofty to crawl faster and harder, especially with the sun on the verge of showing first light - as soon as it did him and Jack would be in plain sight of the German Sharpshooters.

  


                     ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Why aren’t they back yet?”

 

“Dom calm down.” Tried Shaun.

 

“The sun’ll be up any minute!”

 

“You’ll have to wait.” Replied Jacob, a note of uncaring audible in his voice.

 

But Dom didn’t want to wait, it hadn’t even three days since he joined the squad, it hadn’t even been a whole day since him and Lofty actually started to get on, but he still couldn’t stop himself from being worried. Normally he would just go about normal business, with any other soldier he wouldn’t have cared - but Lofty was different, somehow.

 

“I’m going over again, I can help him get Jack-”

 

“Private Copeland you are not to go over, that’s an order, do you understand? I will _not_ let history repeat itself.” Commanded Shaun, his blood boiling with panic more than anger.

 

“Lofty always does this. He always does this shit.” Complained Jacob, sat on the edge of his bed in the bunker, “First Charlie, now Jack-”

 

“Charlie wasn’t his fault.” Argued Shaun.

 

“What the hell am I supposed to think then? Lofty requested that mission, he was the one that got himself stuck in the loft of German building behind enemy lines.”

 

“He got himself out.” Defended Shaun, refusing to give in.

 

“And where was Charlie all the while? In the middle of the night whilst we slept he got out and climbed the wall. He crawled his way through No-Man’s land and was sniped by a German Sharpshooter. If Lofty had kept his mouth shut and kept his fucking ideas to himself we’d still have Charlie! You wouldn’t be talking to Dom right now!”

 

“Glad to know what you think of me Jacob.”

 

Lofty was back.

 

Jacob, Shaun and Dom all spun around to see Lofty standing behind them, the sun was just starting to come back up, Jack was leaning on Lofty’s shoulder for support - the blue knitted scarf wrapped around his waist was covered in crimson. Jacob and Shaun rushed over to grab Jack, Shaun nodded his silent thanks towards Lofty before himself and Jacob dragged Jack off to the infirmary. For a while Lofty and Dom stood there staring at each other, neither of them knowing what to say, eventually Lofty spoke:

 

“Guessing you’re not my number one fan anymore.” He joked, trying to ease the tension Jacob had made.

 

“Is it true?”

 

“Yeah. The plan, was all my idea, I pushed for it to go ahead.”

 

“It’s not your fault though, he made that choice.”

 

“But if I hadn’t suggested the idea he’d still be here. I was the one who found him, lying there, face down in the soil. He’d been shot dead centre in the chest. When I found him the sun was coming up, there was no time to drag him back, I had to lie there and play dead next to him till it went dark again.” Lofty tried to smile, but it was obviously forced - Dom couldn’t help but feel his heart break for the young private as he told his story.

 

“We’d been best friends since we were six.” Lofty added, bringing his story to a close.

 

“Lofty I’m so sorry, I am so so sorry.”

 

“Don’t be, it’s my fault he’s dead.”

 

“I don’t think that.”

 

“It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it’s how I feel.”

 

With that Lofty turned away briefly, probably to wipe any tears that were forming in his eyes, he then turned around again; stiff and robotic looking as he spoke, “We’ll talk again Private Copeland, when I have more jobs for you, I’m still your mentor.”

 

As Lofty walked away into the bunker, Dom let out an exasperated sigh. He’d told himself he wanted to get back to basics by starting in the squad, but the last thing he wanted to do was go back to square one with Lofty - and being called “Private Copeland” felt like that was exactly what had happened. Dom turned and walked away to his post, it was time for him to swap shifts and take his turn in standing guard at the wall of the trench. Upon doing so he sat himself down on the wooden stool at his watcher’s post and allowed his mind to wander, he thought about his first couple of days with the squad, how tired he was now the mission was over, how ready he was to go back home, how lonely he felt despite the hundreds of men that swamped him in the trench.

  
He just needed _someone. And deep down, he knew Lofty needed someone too._


	3. A Shell Shot With Our Names on It.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know! Currently balancing 3 fics at once, next chapter will be better sorry! <3

Weeks went by, Lofty never went back to calling Dom by his first name:

 

“ _Private Copeland take these to Shaun.”_

 

_“Ask for a report on Jack’s recovery Private Copeland.”_

 

_“Finish of your report for lunchtime Copeland.”_

 

To say Dom hated it would be an understatement. Everyone else called him Dom except for the man he wanted to hear it the most from, Lofty had really distanced himself since Jack got shot. He never did allow Dom to be overly friendly, he never spoke of Charlie again, he never once mentioned what they’d previously spoken of in Dom’s first few days. It was like his memory had reset, and forgot everything they’d begun building.

 

Jack was fine, the bullet wound was bad, but Lofty’s quick fix with booze and a scarf had helped keep him alive long enough to survive. Although the young soldier was quite enjoying the time off, he desperately wanted to get back to his squad back at the trenches (he’d been transferred far from the trench to an infirmary behind the lines), so prayed away the hours - hoping his gunshot wound would magically fade away.

 

Without Jack the rest of the squad struggled, they were like a clock missing a gear, or a car with no steering wheel - nothing they did really worked without Jack there to help complete the process. They managed however, but they held back from major missions till Jack came back, in the meantime Shaun and Jacob grew more accomsomed and friendly with Dom (Lofty stayed away and focused on work). The only thing that had remained in Dom and Lofty’s friendship (if you would really call it that) was the fact Dom would sit with him during the nights to help with his terrors and nightmares.

 

Dom was relieved, to say the least, when Winter finally melted into Spring.

 

It wasn’t a drastic improvement, but it was certainly the best time of the year in the trench: not too cold to freeze to death, but not too warm (like it would get in Summer) that you’d end up drowning in a sea of two dozen other men’s body odor and sweat. It was a refreshing breeze time if year that had swept over No-Man’s land and into the British trench, the wind whistled through the barbed wire and into your face, like death was breathing on you, but Dom couldn’t help but appreciate the fact it cooled him down. Of course the breeze carried the smell of the dead with it, but that stench was always there, like the air itself was made of it: mud and blood and death. The tunes if the trench did pick up however, the melancholic sounds of Christmas morphed into tunes of flowers and home - which perked up the spirits of the men quite a bit.

 

Till the shelling returned.

 

Like some powerful being, the weather seemed to freeze the war and it's artillery; all shelling had become non-existent over the winter months. But within the first day of Spring it came back to the Germans with a hunger for British pain. There was no warning, the shells fell near silent, unless you were looking for then no one was particularly on the lookout up above. But like some sixth sense Lofty had realised what was happening, he felt it as he went up to talk to Dom. As he walked up behind him he heard a faint whistle ring through the air, and he reacted immediately:

 

“Dom get down!” As he rushed over to Dom, who was very confused, and pinned him to the trench floor - using all his body and weight to protect Dom from the shell and it's impending shrapnel.

 

“Lofty what are you-” Began Dom, but his words were muffled completely by the sound of a shell striking No-Man’s land nearby, and then the sound of another and another; till the cacophony of metal bombs nearly deafened both Dom and Lofty (as well as the rest of the men cowering in the trench).

 

When the bombing eventually stopped, the whole world seemed to go silent, you could probably hear a boot slosh in a puddle of mud 100 meters down the trench it was so quiet. Dom had never heard such a silence; Lofty only wished he could think the same thing… Lofty didn’t get off Dom when the shelling ceased, he was too focused on Dom’s breathing; how panicked and scared it sounded, how winded he was from him being pushed to the floor, but he was still breathing. Lofty looked directly into Dom’s eyes and Dom looked straight back, their breathing may have been out of time with one another but their hearts were racing in perfect unison.

 

“Lofty…” Began Dom, “That’s the first time you’ve called me by my first name in weeks…”

 

“Probably.” Agreed Lofty.

 

“Why’d you jump on me to protect me?”

 

“What can I say? Can’t stay away from you can I?” Joked Lofty, smiling a little, which was a relief to Dom.

 

“That’s great, but I can’t breathe with you sat on me anymore.”

 

“Shit, sorry.” Apologised Lofty as he got himself up and off Dom.

 

“It’s alright.” Replied Dom as he allowed Lofty to help him up off the floor, “Just promise me you won't go back to calling me Private Copeland?”

 

“I don’t really have a choice do I?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

“Alright,” Laughed Lofty, running his fingers through his hair, “I promise.”

 

As Lofty finished his sentence Shaun appeared and joined in on the conversation, his face looked stern and his facial hair was beginning to  bristle through and show itself, he looked stressed and tired - but he, at least, had a look of almost relief on his face:

 

“Well lads, talk about good timing.”

 

“What are you talking about Shaun?” Asked Dom, confused.

 

“Squad’s been given a transfer, our groups been deemed too important and at too much risk - with Jack in the infirmary they don’t want to lose a teammate.”

 

“ _Another_ teammate.” Corrected Lofty.

 

“Yes… Well, go pack your things, we're being transferred to the base.”

 

“The base is miles from here! Miles away from the front lines!” Exclaimed Lofty, almost annoyed.

 

“Indeed, but we’ve been given time to rest and recuperate Lofty, and I took that offer without hesitance.”

 

“Shaun I can stay here I’m fine.” Protested Lofty.

 

“I know you want to help, but wherever one teammate goes the rest follow and you are no exception. Understand? Dom you may have to help him pack.”

 

“That’s fine by me.” Agreed Dom.

 

For the next hour the squad packed, not that they had much to take with them personally, but all the equipment and supplies and information they’d gathered from the trenches would still be used. Once they'd shoved their shared belongings into bags and thrown them onto the back of the transport vehicle, all that was left to do was get in the car and go to the base - where’d they’d been transferred for a six month (minimum) leave. Lofty was far from happy compared to Jacob and Shaun, Shaun was more collected however since Jacob was practically jumping out his seat with joy as they were carted to the base. Dom tried to not to think too much, and focused on the beauty of the scenery that whizzed past as they sat in the back of the transfer truck with all their belongings: the somewhat blue sky, the green trees that stretched and grew to the heights of giants, the clouds that lazily went by without a care in the world. Everything seemed a lot simpler when he looked into the sky, it seemed a hell of a lot more peaceful at least.

 

Soul searching in the clouds was not something Lofty was interested in, so he spent the majority of the journey writing a letter to his Gran, a long winded note about everything that had happened. Completely enraptured by his writings he didn’t notice the transport truck stop straight away; Dom had to snap him out of his trance.

 

“Lofty, we’re here.”

 

When Lofty looked up, for a brief second, he looked like a scared or lost child - and Dom couldn’t help but feel his heart melt into a puddle. The pair got out of the truck alongside Shaun and Jacob (Jack having long been transferred to the base’s infirmary) Lofty took in his new surroundings, and wasn’t sure how he felt: everything seemed a lot more hygienic and better looking, not a trench in sight, but he wanted to be back at the front line - one of the few reasons he had left to live was to win the war. As he took in the area Dom stood next to him, it was a natural and comfortable arrangement, and neither really minded or noticed how close they were standing together - Dom would feel their hands nearly touch - neither spoke till Shaun started a conversation.

 

“What do you think?”

 

“Will I be able to get a shower?” Asked Lofty.

 

“Not necessarily a hot one but yes.”

 

“That’s good enough for me.”

 

“Shaun what _are_ we doing here?” Asked Dom, changing the subject.

 

“Like I said, on dutiful leave: so all the work without the missions."

 

“Sounds boring.” Complained Lofty.

 

“What'll we do here?” Asked Dom.

 

“Not entirely sure I’m afraid, apart from the commands I've received." Admitted Shaun, “But it’'ll be some ride I can promise you that.”


	4. Too Scared to Love Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is as short as it is! But I do have a plan and I want to keep you all eager for the next chapter!

It took a lot for Lofty to go back to calling Dom by his first name, it took even more for him to promise Dom to never call him by his last name again. He couldn’t help but feel his stomach twist at making that promise, he wanted to make the promise, but that didn’t make him any less paranoid that it’d all go wrong. The camp was nice enough: a lot of tents to sleep in, supply and equipment tents and makeshift shower tents and infirmary tents. There were a lot of tents. But there was also paper; paper which was in short supply back at the trenches, so Lofty felt somewhat better knowing he’d be able to write to his Gran still; no doubt she was always worried about him. The best part of the base however, was the fact it was completely surrounded by stretches of fields. Big green ones that seemed to travel past the horizon, fields that connected to other fields to look like a great big chess board of moss, each board piece separated by a thin line of brick drywall.

 

Dom quite liked the base, even though he was quite upset - being put out of action after one mission was a bit disheartening. But he learned to get over it and plan new missions with everyone else, he soon grew a tight bond with Shaun, and Jack too (since he visited him at least once a day in the infirmary). He still wasn’t on the best of terms with Jacob after he gossiped about Lofty’s past; but he was able to work with him just fine. The best part, he soon discovered, was the fact he was able to work even closer with Lofty, but their new work was less than hearty: they were responsible for re-writing the last letters soldiers had on them, letters of the soldiers that didn’t make it. They had to read and rewrite dozens of letters everyday, and with each day there came a whole new wave of heartache the pair experienced second hand. Despite the sad circumstances around their job, it actually only meant they grew closer and more protective of one another. As the weeks turned into months (two of them to be exact), the pair of them became utterly inseparable. It was late one night, Summer was on the cusp of blooming and the pair were working away, sharing a desk; as Lofty finished off another letter he sighed and placed it in an envelope before writing the address. He felt more like Death’s messenger rather than a genuine helping hand in the war.

 

“This is getting depressing.” Dom admitted as he watched Lofty in the lamp light. 

 

“It’s been depressing from the start.” Sighed Lofty.

  
“True, unfortunately.”

 

“I had to do all this for Charlie’s parents. I never got a response obviously, but just the thought of them finding out he’s gone - it hurts.”

 

“No doubt…” Agreed Dom, he didn’t want to sugar coat the situation or Lofty’s feelings.

 

There was a flicker of silence, there was a flicker of the lamp’s flame, and there was a flicker of  _ something _ shared between their gazes for a split second before Lofty spoke again.

 

“You’ve been amazing, helping me with all this, the nightmares, the letters, waking up to this all every day. I must be a hassle to you.”

 

“You’re important to me.” Admitted Dom, he soon realised how that came off and he corrected himself, “I mean, you’re my mentor, I’m meant to care.”

 

“Right, right, of course.” Responded Lofty, a note of disappointment in his voice. The odd thing was he wasn’t quite sure was he was disappointed about, or rather, he didn't want to admit what that reason was to himself.

 

After a while of looking away, the pair went back to staring at each other. But it wasn’t awkward. The fuel from the small lamp on their shared writing desk just managing to illuminate half their faces, a shadow cast on the other, they were both entirely comfortable despite their heads pounding full of blood adrenaline. Dom hadn’t felt like this before: nervous, terrified and confused but  _ excited _ \- excited for something he had no idea about, excited for an emotion he’d never felt before. Lofty knew his heart and he knew it well, he knew what his heart was feeling and he didn’t want it to stop. That feeling hit the pair of them like a freight train, it being something that came from nothing, it was a shock to the system for the pair of them - but neither were ready to stop just yet. Dom shifted in his seat to get closer to Lofty and Lofty didn’t stop him, didn’t push him away and didn’t even hint at wanting him to stop; instinctively Lofty didn’t break eye contact with Dom and visa versa. For a long while they just looked longingly at each other, both transfixed by the way the lamp light silhouetted the other. Dom moved even closer and again Lofty didn’t stop him, he didn’t want to stop him, he wanted Dom. 

 

_ I keep moving closer….  _ Dom thought to himself as he edged his way even closer to Lofty.

 

_ Just that little bit closer… _ Said Lofty to himself, he was too scared to lean too far forward, but if Dom were to get that little bit closer.

 

Eventually Lofty felt his own hand resting on Dom’s waist, and as they sat there at that desk Dom cupped Lofty’s face in his hand; stubble was prominent like when blades of grass just start to regrow for spring. They both allowed and appreciated the intimate contact, it made them both feel completely safe, like they were each receiving a much needed hug. Lofty felt his mouth go dry with nerves as he saw Dom’s head inch closer to his own; he knew what Dom was hoping for, he knew what he wanted to do. All of this happening within thirty seconds, Lofty (just as they were about kiss) pulled away, a feeling of greed and selfishness coursing through him like poison.

 

“Lofty?” Asked Dom, moving his head back and away from Lofty’s head; he looked like a confused puppy.

 

“I am so sorry... “ Lofty apologised, “This isn’t how it’s meant to be. I can’t let history repeat itself.” 

 

“I don’t understand?”

 

“I don’t want you getting hurt.” Lofty got up from the deal’s bench like chair, “I’m gonna go take a walk.” he said as he grabbed his jacket from the bunk bed post, “Don’t stay up late, we have work tomorrow.’

 

As Lofty left the tent for his walk Dom let out a gust of air from his lungs; unsure if he was sad about not kissing Lofty or relieved:

 

“Shit…” Mutter Dom under his breath, “We were so close to- Shit.”

 

Neither of them slept that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments or critisms are welcom!


	5. Their Paradise

After Spring naturally came Summer, and with that change came camp adjustments. It turned out that things got very, very sweaty in the tents due to the humidity, on more than one occasion soldiers were dragged to the infirmary for heat stroke or fainting, the sun showed no remorse in that year of 1917. It blistered, it swealtered, it bleated down on the backs of the soldiers like a whip; it showed no signs of ceasing or resting. The men struggled with the heat and their thick uniforms, many lost the majority (if not all) of their water weight and the hunger didn’t help; by this point Jack was finally out of the infirmary, walking about amongst the squad again and he was pleased to feel at home once more - his wound still sore but certainly not fatal. Lofty still wrote letters to his Gran, at least once a week, but she was the only person he seemed to write to; not even a note to his parents or other friends. Dom didn’t write to anyone, including his parents, after what happened with them just before the war he pressumed they’d just burn the letter before reading it.

 

The scenic base was indeed beautiful despite the ugly heat that bore down on it: the surrounding fields were fresh and pure green, the rare rain occasionally coating them all in a layer of dew; the nearby trees and plantation were thriving and healthy, the surplus rays of light over feeding them into over sized versions of themselves; the sky always seemed a clear shade of blue (emphasised by the white fluffy clouds that danced by from time to time). Lofty couldn’t complain about the heat with the view he had of the surrounding area, especially since he’d found his own hide away and safe space, a place no one else had to know about, a place all to himself.

 

It was one of the few days off Dom and Lofty had at the base, no need for re-writing letters that day (and they weren’t needed for any other task). The pair of them were sat their in the tent sweating like pigs, drying their damp foreheads with rags and drinking as much water as their flasks would carry; when the water ran out the pair of them groaned in annoyance and laziness (due to the heat, neither could be bothered to go refill their flasks at the pump). Dom lay on one of the many beds inside the tent, his face staring up at the camouflage green ceiling of the tent, sweat beads dripping off him by the bucket full - it certainly wasn’t how he wanted to spend his day off. Lofty sat there in the chair nearby Dom’s bed, just as fed up, his hideaway calling to him like an old friend, it was just the perfect place too… At first he didn’t feel like telling Dom, but he soon realised Dom was the only person he wanted to tell about the secret escape he’d discovered, he was the only person he trusted not to tell anyone else.

 

“Do you want to get away from here for a bit?” He asked casually.

 

“More than anything, why?”

 

“I have just the thing,” Replied Lofty, getting out of his chair as he did so, “Come on, you’ll like it.”

 

“Tell me what it is.”

 

“Just trust me?”

 

It took a few seconds for Dom to reply, “Fine.”

 

Once Dom and Lofty had left the tent, Dom followed Lofty to wherever he was guiding him, he just had to trust Lofty wouldn’t lead him to some cruel prank or trick, and in order to follow Lofty he kept behind him, which wasn’t a problem since neither of them spoke on the way over. Dom’s mind was too focused on the past: that almost kiss. It still made Dom’s heart hurt, little did he know it had the same effect on Lofty, he felt cheated out of something he really wanted and desperate to know what made Lofty pull away so suddenly - everyone else was fast asleep, there was no way anyone would have caught them. Dom didn’t think he was interested in men until just before the wat, he just thought he was extremely picky with women, but after that near kiss… Well, they was no doubting it anymore, he realised his gut instinct was correct and was quick to move on - besides, he didn’t mind being in love with a man if that man was Lofty Chiltern. It was a ten minute journey all together, although it felt longer with the lack of words shared between them. When they arrived at its entrance Lofty finally spoke:

 

“I’m going to need you to shut your eyes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It’s a surprise.”

 

“Does it have to be?”

 

“You’ll like me more if it’s a surprise.”

 

Dom desperately wanted to say _I like you already idiot_ but managed to keep his words to himself, he eventually mustered up some words of agreement before closing his eyes and allowing Lofty to guide him through the entrance of the hidden spot. Dom had never been this far off camp before, it felt strange, but it only made his heart pound with excitement more. After a few paces forward Dom began to rely on his other senses: the smell of trees and clean air, mud and dirt acting like a gritty undertone if nature’s perfume, the metallic taste of soil and water danced on his tongue as he allowed the sound of the area to surround him in their orchestra.

 

“Alright, open them.” Said Lofty, the smile of his face audible in his voice.

 

When Dom opened his eyes he was struck dumb: in front of him looked to be  a utopia. It wasn’t a lake or river, but it was large enough body of water to hold the whole Battalion comfortably enough, and it was surrounded by trees so it was well and truly hidden from the world. The water looked clear and calm, tranquil, like glass. The occasional ripple would from bird above accidently dropping seeds and small rocks into it, but it was subtle and gentle. The trees were fresh and vibrant green, their scent was uplifting and clean and Dominic enjoyed the sensation of breathing it in and feeling a tingle in the back of his throat. He smiled a huge smile and took in the area for all its worth, Lofty had discovered a paradise in the midst of a war zone…

 

“Lofty, this is….”

 

“I found it when I went on that walk.” Commented Lofty, by “that walk” he clearly meant the one he’d taken after he and Dom nearly kissed.

 

“It’s stunning.” Complimented Dom, almost hoping the water and trees would hear him.

 

There was a brief moment of silence as the pair took in the sights of the surrounding are and all its beauty, but eventually Dom noticed Lofty take off his shoes and socks.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“It’s too hot today, don’t you agree?”

 

“You’re not wrong.”

 

“And so you’re not going to swim in the water that’s right next to you?”

 

“But-”

 

“I took you here so you could cool off, so I could too granted, but it wasn’t just somewhere I wanted you to admire.”

 

“You sure it’s alright? I mean, I’m guessing no one else has found this, so it’s your special place to go. I don’t want to take that away from you.”

 

“Dom as your mentor I’m telling you to get in the water.” Replied Lofty, by this point he’d taken of his uniform jacket shirt and undershirt, having decided to keep his trousers on he then jumped in the water. On impact he broke the surface and submerged into the glassy pool, for a long while he stayed underwater, a long while actually - to the point it began to play on Dom’s mind. He stood at the water’s edge and waited for Lofty to resurface, but he didn’t and paranoia set in - a list of everything that could go wrong ran through his mind.

 

“Lofty, this isn’t funny. Come back up.” He called, but Lofty didn’t do anything, pressuming Lofty hadn’t heard him he spoke again (but slightly louder), “Lofty I said come back up! This isn’t funny anymore.”

 

But Lofty didn’t resurface.

 

“Lofty…” Murmured Dom, very quietly. It felt like it had been a long time, too long, and all at once fear struck Dom like an oncoming truck with no brakes. He quickly took off his ammunition strap and boots and threw his coat on the floor with them, in a split second decision he leapt into the water with his heart pounding. The water was cold, compared to the blazing heat of the day it was fightfully cold; and Dom felt shock run through his body like electricity - but he kept on swimming. As his pushed himself through the water he felt something grasp his ankle, he shook it off physically and mentally - too driven to find Lofty to really panic about it. But then it grabbed him again. Dom stopped in the middle of the water, dog paddling the surface to keep himself afloat, in one final last ditch effort he cried out again:

 

“Lofty! Lofty please, where are you?”

 

As soon as Dom finished speaking he felt himself get dragged under the water, he wanted to scream but when he saw he had done it all he felt was relief: Lofty. The water was extremely clear so Dom could see Lofty perfectly; as well as a the large grin that was spread across his face. They looked at each other in the crystal water; which seemed to pulsate from the force of their hearts pounding. In the moments they were submerged they both began to see the micro details in one another: for Lofty he could see how similar Dom’s eyes were to the blue water, how his stubble was beginning to grow in again, his uniform shirt sticking to his body; for Dom he saw Lofty’s curls floating in the water, his toothy grin, and he felt his heart pound even more from it. Eventually the pair had to return to the surface for air and when they did so Dom spoke:

 

“You’re terrible! I can't believe you did that, I thought you were drowning.” He exclaimed as he splashed a large amount of water on Lofty.

 

“It got you in the water didn’t it?”

 

“That’s not fair.” Commented Dom, silently agreeing.

 

“Life’s not fair.” Replied Lofty calmly, “You might want to take your shirt off if you’re staying in.”

 

Dom did so and the pair remained in the water. For a couple hours they forgot the base, they forgot the squad and the other soldiers, as far they were aware it was just them - and both enjoyed the feeling. They didn’t do any real swimming; mostly jus splashing about and disturbing the peace the water once had, but with the disruption they also brought an energy of warmth - warmth different to the type the sun was bearing down - it was happy. Time seemed to go by too quickly, having too much fun together, neither wanted to leave the water. But eventually they noticed their fingers starting to prune and that the sun was losing its violent glow, eventually Lofty spoke, lying on his back, as he allowed himself to be carried by the water.

 

“We should head back.” He stated as he drifted gently along.

 

“We should.” Agreed Dominic, swimming and joining Lofty by his side, “Are we going to though?”

 

Lofty stared at Dom for a long while, he noticed his heart racing again and his mouth go dry, there was no denying it any longer - he had feelings for Dominic. Dom looked back at him, unwavering with his eyes, confident with who he was looking at and how he was looking at him. He was ready.

 

But that didn’t mean Lofty was.

 

“Yeah we are.” Replied Lofty before going into front crawl and swimming back to the water’s edge, before getting back onto dry land he dunked his head under the water one last time to cool down his flushed face. Dom sighed as he went to go join him on land, upon doing so Lofty spoke again, “There’s a towel by that tree.”, he indicated to which specific tree it was, “Use it to dry yourself off.”

 

Dom did as he was told and retrieved the towel, his trousers were soaked through (there was no way in Hell they’d dry fast enough) so he just made an effort to dry his chest and arms and hair. After he was finished he promptly passed the towel on to Lofty (who spent most of his time using it to dry all his hair). After around half an hour the pair had dried themselves down enough to put their uniforms back on without them sticking, and Dom had left his wet shirt out in the sun long enough for it to have dried in time. Once they were dressed the pair set out on their way back to the base, both refreshed but both blushing profusely. Neither knew what to say, neither knew just how much they cared for one another, neither knew just how much time they were wasting tip-toeing around each other…

 

Upon arriving back at camp they were relieved to find their uniforms were dry enough for nobody to ask questions about their whereabouts, and it was an added bonus that the sun was cooled itself down and was beginning to fade back into the horizon. When they got back, it was dinner time in the camp (not that there’d be that much to eat), so the pair set about getting their cutlery and water flasks and mea tins before joining the line of hungry soldiers. Whilst waiting for their small portions of food the pair spoke:

 

“I still don’t like that joke you pulled.” Commented Dom, giving Lofty a hard nudge into his shoulder.

 

“It wasn’t a joke it was just… persuasive.”

 

“Persuasive?”

 

“I needed to get you into the water somehow! Besides, it worked and I’m not dead, no need for you to be upset.”

 

“I thought you were drowning.”

 

“That your way of saying you’d miss me if I were to die?” Asked Lofty, he didn’t know what he was trying to get out of Dom, but he at least wanted to know Dom would miss him.

 

Dom looked at Lofty for a brief second before replying, “Something like that.”

 

Eventually they were served their ration of dinner and they made their way back to the squad’s tent, Jacob had been one of the lucky few to get in the line first so had already fallen asleep in his bed, Shaun and Jack were (presumably) still in line awaiting their serving. Dom and Lofty sat themselves at the desk where they normally re-wrote letters and tucked into their meal; without relish due to the sheer lack of flavour the rations contained - they were meant to keep you alive, that was all. Lofty grimiced slighlty as he began spooning the ‘food’ into his mouth, the faint sounds of their spoons scratching their tins could be heard as neither of them spoke. Lofty noticed they did a lot of that: silence. The lack of words between them at times was almost comical, but then again, in the few months Dom had been at the camp a quick non had formed between the two of them - a bond that didn’t require words. But the numerous silences that day were different, they were almost _awkward,_ desperate for sound to full the quiet Lofty spoke:

 

“What’s your family like?”

 

Dom looked up from his food, frozen in his seat, his eyes hardened and focused on Lofty’s words; “Not good.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry I just-"

 

“They threw me out just before the war.”

 

“Why?”

 

Again Dom threw a steely gaze at Lofty, “I’m trusting you to keep your mouth shut here.”

 

“Of course.” Replied Lofty, just as seriously.

 

Dom lowered his voice before speaking, “I kissed another man.”

 

“Oh… Okay then.”

 

“You’re not disgusted?”

 

“After what nearly happened between us I can’t exactly say I’m shocked, Dom.” Replied Lofty calmly.

 

“You knew that would happen?”

 

“The kiss? It was a bit obvious on both our parts.”

 

“Did… Did you _want_ to kiss me?” Whispered Dom, hyper aware of the fact Jacob was asleep not too far away.

 

“Yeah, I did.” Replied Lofty just as quietly, still looking down into his meal, guilt almost lining his voice.

 

“Why didn’t you?”

 

As those words Lofty looked up from his food, he looked at Dom and Dom looked back, despite what Dom expected Lofty broke out into a smile. But it wasn’t happy: it was twisted and solemn and matched with his lonely eyes, the type of smile that seemed broken, “Because I was scared.”

 

With that the pair returned to their silent eating, Jacob occasionally shifted in his sleep in the background, after they finished eating the pair of them headed to bed - Dom sleeping on the top bunk and Lofty sleeping directly under on the bottom bunk. They each lay themselves out on the uncomfortable mattresses and tried to fall asleep, but rest escaped them; so Dom tried to fill the following silence that had filled the tent again.

 

“Thank you for today.”

 

No response.

 

Lofty was in fact wide awake, staring at the slats of Tom’s bed above him, Dom assumed he had fallen asleep and didn’t speak again. In the silence Lofty allowed his tears to show, in silence he hid his emotion to everybody except himself - guilt ran through him like a combination of a gas leak and a flame. Despite the sadness Lofty felt relieved as he allowed himself to mourn one final time:

 

 _I’m so sorry for what I did Charlie…_ He thought to himself, _But I want to move on now, I need to move on now. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I’m ready._

 

In the bunk above him, Dom was resting on his side, trying to listen to the silence - and the silence gave him nothing. Eventually he gave up listening and lolled onto his back and looked up at the khaki green ceiling of the tent. The day’s events ran through his mind and he reminisced, his memories recalled the kiss he and Lofty almost shared and he sighed in disappointment.

 

 _Something has to give way…_ He thought himself, _I’m ready._

 

Little did he know how soon that give way would arrive.


	6. Us Against the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DO NOT READ BELOW IF YOU DON'T WANT A SPOILER/WARNING
> 
>  
> 
> note: a soldier tries to kiss Dom when Dom doesn t want to, if something like that may upset you please don't read this chapter

 

A lot of people say stings are physical: a bee sting, nettle stings, the sensation of lemon juice in a cut - a lot of people tend to forget emotional stinging. The type of stinging where you can’t say it hurts but you can’t say it’s painless either, the type of sensation that you feel travel through your chest and throughout your body like bubbles and pins, the type of feeling that makes you stand still whilst you try and work out what’s going wrong inside you. Dom knew what emotional stinging was, he knew it very well. He’d only acquired it after nearly kissing Lofty, he noticed how it sat there for a while, uncomfortable in his lungs, but it eventually faded; only to return once more after that day in the water, after that conversation where Lofty said he wanted to kiss back.

He wanted to kiss back.

Dom could only seem to stand there, the stinging making him freeze in place, as he allowed time to pass around him - weeks in fact, went by. It seemed to stay there, unshifting, only to get worse when Lofty was around (and Lofty was around him most of the day, everyday), with the pair working so close together on rewriting letters, Dom always felt short of breath. This pain mixed with his feelings for Lofty became a concoction of numbed needles piercing his lungs and excitement, and he learnt to live with it. He’d grown accustomed to it and accepted it like one might greet a new friend. Weeks went by, with Summer in swing, and the two of them attempted to pretend like everything was normal - like everything could be normal again - they sat next to each other at the writing desk and rewrote letters together, they shared jokes and stories and bonded over little things. They could both feel their hearts growing warmer like the summer days.

The rest of the squad noticed Lofty’s changed personality and behaviour; he seemed to have opened up and relaxed and become a lot like the Lofty he used to be, he’d even learnt to become civil with Jacob, and Shaun was eager to talk to him alone as quickly as possible. One day Lofty was sat at the desk (that he normally shared with Dom) alone, writing away by himself since Dom had gone to go get more paper and ink from the supply tent. Shaun took the opportunity to have a word with Lofty; as Lofty scribbled away Shaun entered the tent and sat himself beside the curly haired scribe.

“So.. You seem a lot happier recently.”

“The nightmare’s stopped.” Replied Lofty, still face down in his work.

“Really? When?”

“A few weeks back I think, I can’t remember what day.” Said Lofty, which he knew deep down was a blatant lie: he knew the nightmares had stopped the day he and Dom went swimming, the night he told Charlie he wanted to move on.

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, since I don’t wake anyone up with them anymore.”

“Do you know what stopped them?”

Lofty paused for a moment before sharply replying, “No.” - another lie.

Shaun didn’t look convinced, “Hmm, are you sure it’s not got anything to do with Dom?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Because we both know that if you have feelings for him that’s completely fine, after you told me you liked Charlie I kept quiet didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“So if you want to tell me you have feelings for Dom, you can tell me, you know I’ll support you no matter what.”

Shaun remained in his seat as Lofty pondered on what to say next, wavering in what his response would be, a broad grin spread across his face when Lofty eventually spoke:  “I think- I think I have feelings for Dom.”

“That’s brilliant! So what are you gonna do?”

“Gonna do what I did with Charlie: keep my mouth shut and make sure he never finds out.”

“Lofty… You can’t keep doing this to yourself!”

“I can and I will.”

“What are you gonna do if he meets another soldier here?”

This sparked Lofty’s attention, “What?”

“You know he’s attracted to men, you wouldn’t have fallen for him if you hadn’t, did you take into account the idea he could fall for someone else?”

“No.”

“What are you gonna do if that happens?”

“Keep my mouth shut.”

“It’s like talking to a broken record with you... “ Muttered Shaun as he got out of his seat, “You know I’ll keep quiet, but one day I think you’ll see him and realise you can’t let him go, the sooner that day comes the better.”

“And why’s that Shaun?”

“Because you deserve some good in your life.”

As Shaun finished his sentence Dom appeared at the tent entrance, fresh supplies gathered in his arms, he had a look of surprise when he saw Shaun: “Lance Corporal Shaun! I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Just Shaun is fine Dom, no need for you to give me formality. Don’t worry, I best be off, meetings and paperwork and all that. See you two later then.”

“See you later Shaun.” Said Lofty, he looked at Shaun a long while, a gentle smile across his face, before speaking again, “I never did thank you.”

“No need I-"

“I mean for everything, everything you’ve done for me - I never said thank you.”

“Thank you’s are for the dead or dying Lofty, I don’t want you to thank me for anything, understand?”

“Yes Shaun.” Replied Lofty, the smile still evident on his face.

Shaun exited the tent, leaving Dom and Lofty alone again; Dom could feel his lungs filling up with the stinging sensation again. He sat himself down and laid out the supplies he’d gathered out in front of them on the desk: they split the pens, ink and paper evenly between them and they promptly set about their work. Once or twice (perhaps more) Dom and Lofty stole glaces of each other whilst the other was not looking; taking in every detail they could before returning to their task at hand. All that could be heard at their little desk was their breathing and the sound of their pens scratching paper, it was peaceful, almost enjoyable if it weren’t for the reason they were writing them. Hours went by between them, little to no words were spoken besides the odd; _Pass me some more ink_ and _Would you pass that letter? I dropped it- Ah, thanks._ It was an stifling silence, a thousand words wanted to be shared and passed though the air, but were kept locked away by each other’s fear, and these words were never spoken, not even when they finished up work for the night.

Dom stretched himself out in the chair, relaxing his muscles that had gone taught and tense during the process of writing all those letters, “Well, that’s my letters for the day finished.”

“Same here.”

“Let’s head down to Shaun’s office so he can have them sent off.”

“I’ll do it, you head down and get something to eat.” Offered Lofty.

“Really?”

“Yeah, take it as a thank you for all those times you helped me with my bad dreams.”

“Well, thanks love- Lofty! I meant Lofty, that’s all I meant.”

Lofty faked a smile, “Don’t worry, honestly, just make sure you get something to eat.”

“Thank you, Lofty.”

Once Dom left Lofty gathered up all the finished letters and made his way down to Shaun’s office, he entered the tent and walked up to Shaun and his makeshift desk, he placed the letters (which he’d tied together with string) on the table and sighed deeply. Shaun looked up from the work in front of him, then at the letters, and then at Lofty. Nobody else was in the tent at the time so Lofty felt confident to speak openly:

“I don’t think I can keep this up much longer.” Stated Lofty, his hands on his hips, his eyes tired looking. He was obviously talking about Dom.

“Thought you’d say that, I was wondering why Dom wasn’t with you - you always deliver the letters together.”

“I dunno if he even really likes me! Maybe he’s only interested physically? What if he is and my feelings are all meaningless.”

“ _You_ were the one who said you wanted to keep your mouth shut.”

“Well _maybe_ I want to listen to you rather than myself.”

“Makes a change.”

“Shaun…”

“Look Lofty, I said it once I’ll say it again, just tell him how you feel.”

“But it never seems to be the right opportunity.”

“Look. Whether it’s a good time or not, something’s going to happen that will make sure you tell him - you’ll have to confront him about it soon enough.”

Lofty thought for a moment, a small smile eventually formed on his face, “You’re right. I should just, be a man and face it.”

“Yes, yes you should.”

Lofty then left the tent, making his way over to the kitchen tent to go get his ration of dinner, after receiving his food he went to find Dom to go eat with him: he wasn’t sat in the kitchen tent (on one of the eating tables), and he wasn’t back at the squad’s tent - odd. He never ate anywhere else besides those two places...  Lofty tried to disguise his own worries, after seeing Dom wasn’t in the squad tent Lofty set his meal on the desk. He didn’t like worrying - he really didn’t like it. He decided to wander about the base and try and find Dom, - he just wanted to make sure he was okay. He strolled around for five to ten minutes on the search when he heard the faint sound of arguing. He walked closer to it, one of the two voices being familiar - it was Dom. Lofty felt elated to know he’d found Dom, but his concern grew as he tried to figure out who he could be arguing with and why he was arguing in the first place. Dom and the unknown soldier were confronting each other around the back of one of the empty tents, as Lofty got closer the arguing got louder:

“No, no I said get off of me!” Said Dom, struggling sounding in his voice.

“Aw come on, you’re secret safe with me, and besides, it’s just a bit of fun.”

“It’s not fun for me and I said no, get the fuck off me!”

Lofty decided to intervene sooner rather than later.

“Have we got a problem here?” He asked as he made himself known to Dom and the soldier; an intense look of relief washed over Dom when he saw who had come to his rescue.

“Actually there is-” Began Dom.

“There’s not, we’re perfectly fine.” Cut in the soldier, he looked extremely pissed, “But if you have a problem, we can always sort it out man to man.”

“Well that’s lucky.” Said Lofty, calm, “I do have a problem.”

The soldier took a few steps forward, “And why would that be?”

“Because he’s told you to stop whatever you’re trying to do, and you said no. You’re acting like an idiot.”

The soldier took more steps forward, he looked furious, “Who the hell do you think you are to be-”

But the soldier’s words were cut off by a sharp punch square in the face which he received from Lofty, the soldier hit the floor like a ton of bricks and stayed there, unmoving; either playing dead or actually unconscious.

  
“My name’s Lofty. And I really don’t like idiots.”

Lofty looked up at Dom to see him stood there, spell bound and staring at him.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah…”

“What was he trying to do.”

“Like you said, he was being an idiot.” Dom tried a smile, but it was faint, Lofty knew Dom didn’t want to be pressed any more on the matter so didn’t ask any more questions about it.

“Dom, I need to speak to you. Will you come with me for a bit?”

Seemingly still in a trance it took Dom a moment to respond, “Hm? Yeah, where are we going?”

“That hidden place I found.”

Dom silently nodded in agreement - he wanted to go. Silently Lofty nodded back - he was ready. Silently the pair of them walked off to the hidden place they’d kept for themselves - they were terrified. The journey there took around the same time as their previous visit, only this time the silence they shared on the journey was icy and uncomfortable, nothing like the silences they were used to. As they walked Dom took in the summer night surrounding: the fields had gone pale and chalky, the sky had darkened considerably into a veil of pure black; the rare star ripping through the veil once in a while, revealing light. There were no clouds. Around his feet he heard the scamperings of woodland creatures like Shrews and Field Mice, above head the occasional bird swooped past, or called in the distance as they drew closer and closer to their hide away. When they arrived Dom noticed how untouched it looked, how calm it was again, the glassy water in front of him catching the reflection of the stars above in its eye. The circling trees and their leaves moved with the wind, their barks deep and wrinkled, their roots twisting together under the earth. It felt safe.

Dom turned to speak to Lofty; perhaps he was going to say _Why are we here?_ Or even _There’s something I need to tell you._ But he never got the chance. As soon as he turned to face him, before he even had time to register what was happening, Dom felt something press against him, he felt curls tickling his forehead, he felt a kiss - Lofty was kissing him.

And he was kissing back.

Neither knew what to say, in general, which was why their friendship had consisted of a lot of silences; but they seemed to understand each other despite that lack of words - and never did that apply more than in that moment they kissed by the water’s edge. There was no hesitance, no fear, no _What if’s_ to cloud their judgements; as far as either of them were concerned, in that moment it was just them and nature - and nature couldn’t judge them like everyone else could. With that kiss, the pair of them knew that words didn’t matter anymore. When they both parted from the kiss Dom looked starry eyed, and Lofty looked half worried:

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask, was it okay? That I did that?”

Dom decided it was his turn, and to stop Lofty flapping he kissed him, it wasn’t as long as the first, but enough to catch Lofty off guard and keep him quiet.

“Yeah, it was.” Replied Dom, grinning like a Cheshire cat, he felt as giddy as a child, or like someone who was drinking for the first time - he didn’t know how to behave but he knew he was deliriously happy.

“I really like you.” Admitted Lofty, he looked the exact opposite of Dom, he instead looked like a small child about to be told off, as if he’d done something bad.

“And I really like you too.” Replied Dom, still grinning.

“I mean emotionally too, not just physically.”

“And I do too.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

Lofty cleared his throat before speaking again, “So, what would you say if I asked you to be more than friends with me?”

“I’d say yes, obviously.”

There was a brief moment where Lofty recollected himself, “So…” he began, “Does that mean that we’re?”

“Partners?”

Lofty smiled, that genuine smile Dom hardly got to see, “You know how risky this is? We could be court marshalled or sent to prison for this - for us. Do you want to take that risk?”

“We’re just going to have to be careful aren’t we?”

“I don’t want you getting hurt because of me.”

“This relationship is as much my decision as it is yours.” Retaliated Dom, “Whatever happens will happen, but I know if we never got together and I survived  this war, I’d wake up every morning with regret about never finding out what we could’ve been.”

“Me too.”

“So, Lofty Chiltern, will you please just let me fall in love with you?”

“As long as that means I can fall in love with you too.”

“Of course it does.”


	7. A Sharp turn in The Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short, i know, I am sorry! But again, i do have a plan for how this will all plan out, the chapter length was expected for me! Plus with work I cant always manage a 8-9 page chapter, so I am sorry and hope you can enjoy it regardless

After that kiss, everything changed. The pair of them seemed a lot more aware of their surroundings, and a lot more aware of their possible enemies. With the extension of their leave came the added fear of being found out in the base. The soldier who tried to kiss Dom never confronted Lofty again, in fact, Lofty never actually saw him again; which was a relief for not only himself but for Dom too. Weeks went by, and soon enough those weeks turned to months, and with the progression of time came the changing of Summer into Autumn; a time where it was neither to hot or too cold, a stalemate in the year where soldiers were neither treated or attacked by nature - a time of calm. Dom and Lofty had to be very careful with their relationship, every stolen kiss was a risk to them being sent to court for “indecent behaviour”; the only soldier they had on their side was Shaun - as soon as their relationship began Lofty informed him, and Shaun (as loyal as ever) had kept to his promise and remained silent on the matter. With Shaun on their side the couple felt relieved knowing they weren’t completely alone and had at least one ally. Despite their paranoia and their fear they made it work, and treated every moment alone as if it would be their last.

 

During one such particular moment, they pair were in their hideaway. Sitting by the water’s edge and chatting happily, for a while if felt as if there was no war; no violence, no dead. Whilst they were talking Lofty felt something scratch away in the back of his mind, he knew he’d hidden some truth from Dom, he’d hidden that truth away from the whole squad (including himself) - as the sun was blocked out by the intertwined branches of the trees, as the critters and creatures rustled the nearby bushes, Lofty spoke his mind; he spoke the truth.

 

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I wasn’t completely honest about what happened with Charlie - I mean the day that he died.”

 

“Are you sure you want to tell me?”

 

“Positive.” Replied Lofty, just as he spoke a ray of sun landed on the side of his face, “A week or so before he died, I suggested a mission to Shaun, about going over the top. He said no, but me being the stubborn know-it-all I thought I was - I wasn’t going to accept that. One night I got out of bed and went over the top alone, I crawled through No-Man’s land and managed to get myself stuck in the loft of a German hideout not too far away from the German trench.”

 

“I remember that.”

 

“I was stuck in there for two days and two nights.”

 

“I remember you saying that too.”

 

“Long story short I managed to sneak out, and by the Devil’s luck back onto No-Man’s land.”

 

“That’s where you said you found Charlie.”

 

“Yeah... but I said I’d found him already dead.”

 

Dom froze, ice running through his veins, “What do you mean?”

 

“After I was gone for so long, Charlie took it upon himself to find me, if not to make sure I was okay then to drag my body back. It was dark when he went over, and as he went over I was coming back. We finally saw each other at the mid-way point, he saw I was alive and I saw how stupid he was being; as if I was in the position to be calling him stupid.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“It was pitch black, like a void, there was no way anyone should’ve seen me or him, so we had both decided to simply walk, no crawling. As soon as we spotted each other, the sound of a gunshot rang out. The two of us stood there - it had to be aimed at us. I looked down to see I was clear of a bullet wound, but Charlie discovered he wasn’t. He looked up at me and collapsed then and there, into the mud. I rushed to him and saw he was already bleeding out too much.”

 

Dom saw Lofty was getting upset, tears welling up, “You don’t have to finish the story-”

 

“I held him as he died. He gave me his dog-tags and then he was gone. But the sun was coming up, there was no chance of me taking him back, all I could do was lie there next to his body and wait for it to go dark again.”

 

Dom struggled to find words that didn’t sound condescending, but managed to find some sort of sentence anyway, “Lofty… I am so sorry.”

 

“It’s my fault he’s dead. But what I told you wasn’t the truth, and you deserve the truth.”

 

As Lofty’s words rang through him, Dom grabbed Lofty’s hand and held it gently; he didn’t squeeze it or clasp it tightly, he just held it, and Lofty let it happen. Dom searched for the right words to say, and eventually formed a sentence:

 

“Where you in love with him?”

 

Lofty paused a few moments before replying, “I did, yeah. I was in love with him.”

 

“Were you two a… thing?”

 

“No, never, not even close. He saw me like a brother, there was no way we could ever have been together.”

 

“It’s alright for you to still love him, a little bit. He meant a lot to you, you can tell me if you do.”

 

“I think I do love him a bit. Not romantically though, not anymore - I think now I just love him like I always should have: like a brother.”

 

Dom smiled, Lofty’s reassuring words had put his heart at rest, as the pair sat there by the water Dom rested his head against Lofty’s shoulder. They both allowed their hearts to flutter, and their imaginations to run off, as Lofty cleared his eyes of any would-be tears and focused on the nature around him: every detail seemed a lot clearer, focused, the tiniest details became noticeable.

 

“I don’t see him like that anymore.” he confirmed, “But I do see you in that way.”

 

“I see you like that too.” grinned Dom, “Thank you.”

 

“That’s my line.”

  
Eventually the pair of them decided to head back to camp (they’d been gone for a while at that point and didn't want to raise suspicion in their whereabouts), the weather was warm but just chilly enough to feel comfortable rather than stifling. As the pair talked and walked together back through the checkerboard fields and onto camp, stood in one of the fields (unnoticed), was Jacob. The bruise from when Lofty had punched him had long faded, but the spite he felt about it still remained; anger boiled as he saw Lofty, but eventually the anger shifted to suspicion as he saw Dom and Lofty walking _very_ closely next to each other. The pair of them were laughing and grinning and having quite the time together despite it just being the two of them, they seemed close… A little too close for Jacob’s liking. He’d always secretly felt that Lofty was grieving more than a normal friend would when it came to Charlie’s death, he’d taken it so badly he was like was mourning for someone he loved- love. Jacob grimaced at the thought and turned his back on Dom and Lofty as they continued their way back to camp (having not noticed him). As he stood there in the field he pondered and schemed and plotted; a faint smile on his face. If Dom and Lofty were exactly what he thought they were, revenge would come much sweeter than he’d expected, all he had to do was wait...


	8. Shell Shock.

Everything had been fine. Everything was going in the right direction. Despite the circumstances everything had been perfect, and not just for Dom and Lofty: Shaun had been praised for his work, Jacob’s mood had softened and he became more approachable than before (although he still had his moments), and Jack was back to his usual young and naive self. They had a set course, they were all happy in their little worlds in that camp.

 

Why’d it all have to go to Hell?

 

They all felt rather lucky their stay at the base had been extended, it meant they didn’t have to worry about bullets whizzing over their heads for a little while longer; for Dom and Lofty it meant more time together since returning to the front would mean all intimate contact would have to stop. They took each moment like it would be the last, and every piece of borrowed time was something they treasured. Neither knew who would be hurt by the war’s shrapnel next, nobody could, but  _ nobody _ expected that person to be Shaun. Why did it have to be Shaun? 

 

The Lance Corporal had settled nicely, he’d done a good job and he’d stuck to his duties, Lofty highly suspected he was due for another promotion; he’d supported Dom and Lofty through their relationship, done his best in keeping them hidden and safe from prying eyes… he’d been a friend. It was a Tuesday evening in the squad’s tent when he received the letter, technically two, one from his higher ups and another from a field surgeon:

 

_ “Lance Corporal Shaun Miller, _

_                                                We regret to inform you of the death of your two brothers. With your father already deceased you are the only male of the Miller family remaining, this letter is to inform you of your leaving the squad to return to home to your mother (where you will remain till the end of the war). _

 

_         Our sincere prayers and apologies.” _

 

Shaun promptly collapsed to the muddy tent floor after reading that. He felt his gut twist and knot into shapes he didn’t think we possible, the urge to be sick overcame him and soon enough a pool of bile was on the floor in front of him, but with the smell of vomit came the undeniable sound of his crying. The war had finally broken him. 

  
“N-no… No they can’t be dead.” Shaun screamed aloud, allowing his words to choke him, he half wished they would, he secretly prayed that those tears would put him out of his immediate misery, “This isn’t how is was supposed to go! We promised each other! This isn’t right!”

 

Lofty (who was standing near by when Shaun received the letter) was prompt to leap to his friend’s aid, hugging him from behind and supporting him upright as he sobbed, “Shaun, Shaun listen to me, what’s happened?”

 

“They’re fucking dead! They’re dead both of them! Fucking dead!” cried Shaun his breakdown in full swing, “Why are they gone they’re my brothers for Christ’s sake!”

 

“Shaun, Shaun I’m so sorry…” Said Lofty as he continued to hug Shaun from behind, refusing to let him suffer alone, ignoring the stench that rose from Shaun’s vomit. He ignored it all and allowed Shaun the time to break, he gave Shaun the same respect he himself had received, “Dom, read the second letter, aloud.”

 

“Read it?”

 

“Please….” Lofty begged, surely  _ something _ good had to be in the letter.

 

“Shaun, may I?” Dom asked, still mindful to be respectful of his superior.

 

Shuan just about managed a nod of the head, he had fully curled into Lofty’s hug and allowed himself to be cradled by the curly haired Private.

 

Dom cleared his throat at he opened the envelope, the paper felt smooth and new to the touch, as he opened up the paper fully he saw the cursive loops of the writer’s hand and began to read:

 

_ “Lance Corporal Shaun Miller, _

_                                                 My name is Berenice Wolfe. I was the surgeon that treated your brothers. I know it sounds odd, a woman surgeon, but please listen. Your brothers came in together, the same fight, both were bleeding badly but they’d hung on; my team got to work on them as soon as they'd entered, we did everything we could. _

 

_ I am so sorry. _

 

_ They were both so strong, so much fight in them to have lasted as long as they did. I gave them painkillers so it didn’t hurt as much, I’m writing to tell you their last words, they still ring through my ears as if I’d only heard them moments ago. _

 

_ Your elder brother Alex said this: “Doctor, Doctor, please, my little brother… His name is Shaun, if he’d still alive please tell him I love him so much, so much he wouldn’t believe - I know we always fought and I hate how much time I wasted. Tell him to keep mum safe, tell her I give her my love, and I give it to him too.” _

 

_ Your younger brother Gabriel said: “I don’t want to go. Not yet, not now, me and Shaun were meant to go camping after all this. I promised him we’d go camping. I don't’ want to go without telling him goodbye, or at least that I love him. I love him so much, he’s my best friend, I am so proud to be able to call him my brother. Tell him and my mum I love them both, so much.” _

 

_ Lance Corporal their dying words were that they loved you. And as much as that doesn’t make up for the fact they’re gone, I hope it eases the pain, even if only a little.” _

 

Shaun remained on the floor for a while, understandably heartbroken at the events that had taken place, the surgeons’ words giving him only a slither of solace, with him at least knowing they died with as little pain as possible (a luxury not many soldiers got). It was some time before he shakily picked himself off the floor (with support from Lofty); Jack sat in the corner of the tent shell shocked at what had happened to Shaun, Jacob sat in the other corner, surprised but no necessarily sympathetic. Shaun took the surgeon’s letter from Dom’s hand and re-read it, giving Dom opportunity to wipe the tear that had rolled down his face off, Lofty stood close by to Shaun, as if ready to catch him if he collapsed again. After re-reading the letter over and over Shaun finally spoke:

 

“I need to get them back.”

 

“They’re in an infirmary miles off.”

 

“I need to take them home. I’m not burying them here, if it’s not home then it’s not good enough.”

 

“Shaun, listen to yourself-” began Jacob.

 

“Listen to me! For once in your  _ fucking _ career listen to me! I am  _ your _ superior, they are  _ my _ brothers! If I say they’re coming home with me you can bet your last bullet they’re coming home with me. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes what?”

 

“Yes Lance Corporal Miller.” Replied Jacob, looking as unbothered as he sounded.

 

With that Shaun wiped his face of his sick and began rushing around the tent, grabbing all his clothing and equipment and shoving it into a travel bag. Lofty tried his best to help but soon realised it was better if he was left on his own for a while: “Come on guys, let’s give Shaun some time…” he said as he began ushering himself and everyone else out of the tent, everyone else walked out promptly but when Lofty went to go join them Shaun beckoned him to stay.

 

“Lofty… Don’t go.”

 

Lofty remained in the tent, with everyone gone he made his way over to Shaun, only then did he notice Shaun had been silently crying as he packed his stuff up; only then did he notice how red raw the whites of his eyes were; only  _ then _ did he notice just how much Shaun needed someone to be there for him.

 

“Permission to hug you sir?” Asked Lofty, he knew exactly what Shaun was going through, he knew how much he was hurting. 

 

Shaun didn’t respond. He only reacted, as soon as Lofty had finished speaking Shaun was quick to lean into him (too weak with emotion to use his arms in the embrace), and Lofty responded with a tight hug. The pair of them stood there and Lofty could feel Shaun’s warm tears seeping into his uniform shirt, he felt the wracking sobs in Shaun’s chest shake the both of them. For a long while neither spoke; the only communication they shared was through the hug getting tighter and tighter. When Shaun released himself from the hug Lofty tried to cheer him up:

 

“Hey, what are me and Dom gonna do without you? We may have to run away together.”

 

Shaun revealed a weak smile, “Maybe so… Lofty. I don't want to go, if I go then it’s real.”

 

“Shaun, listen to me. Your mum needs you, a lot more then me or Dom do, we’ll be fine on our own but your mum won’t. She needs you and you need her.”

 

“What do I say to her?”

 

“Tell her you’ve come home, and that you’re not going anywhere.”

 

Shaun silently nodded his head before getting back to packing, he didn’t have much left to pack so Lofty decided to help him out.

 

“Do the higher ups know you’re getting them?”

 

“No, and it’ll stay that way. If I don’t get them they’ll bury them here. Hopefully that surgeon will help me out.”

 

“Maybe so…”

 

After another five or so minutes of packing and small talk, Shaun was ready to get the fastest car over to the infirmary his brothers were being held, he slung his day bag over his shoulder and walked out of the tent with Lofty; Jack and Dom were stood by the tent entrance waiting for them.

 

“We know you’re gonna leave,” began Jack, “So we just want to say goodbye, and thank you.”

 

Shaun walked over to Jack, tousled his hair a little before replying, “Saying thank you is for the dead or dying, you know that Private.”

 

Remembering Shaun’s motto Jack hastily replied, “Of course, of course, so… But what can I say?”

 

“Nothing, just continue being the brilliant soldier I’ve watched you become.”

 

With that Jack was close to tears, all he could muster was a salute and a “Sir yes sir.”   
  
  


“Very good Jack, I’ll miss you too.”

 

Shaun then turned to Dom, who looked as emotional as Jack: they may not have been best friends, but Dom knew Shaun had become very important to him, “Private Copeland... “ began Shaun.

 

“Lance Corporal.” Replied Dom, mimicking Jack’s salute. However he couldn’t keep this stance because before long he broke out of it and tightly embraced Shaun, “I don’t want you to go…”

 

Shaun let out a chuckle, “Trust me I don’t want to either.” Shaun then lowered his voice into a whisper, “You two better make it work… I’ll be more than annoyed if you two break up.”

 

“Hell bent on keeping us together?”

 

“It would certainly seem so.”

 

“Me too.” smiled Dom.

 

Shaun turned to face Lofty one last time, the pair of them looked at each other and re watched the history they shared in each other’s eyes, the pair of them couldn’t help but smirk a little. Instinctively they hugged, a proper bear hug, a tight hug that stopped the both of them from breathing properly for a short while.

 

“I’m expecting letters for updates, Private.”

 

“Of course sir.” replied Lofty.

 

With that Shaun released himself from the hug and left, walking towards the transport truck at the edge of the base. Jack had walked away to compose himself (too upsert to watch his boss leave), so Dom and Lofty stood next to each other and watched Shaun hop aboard the truck and be driven away. Lofty was sad, there was no denying it, Shaun had been there for him in pretty dark times, and his respect for the man was extreme - he felt bad for not being able to comfort him more. Dom felt as if Lofty might be saddened by Shaun’s sudden leaving so spoke as they watch the Lance Corporal’s truck drive into the distance.

 

“You okay?” asked Dom, looking at Lofty softly.

 

“With you here?” asked Lofty, wrapping his arm around Dom’s waist as they stood side by side, “I know everything’ll be fine.”

 

“Well you two are  _ awfully  _ close.” sounded a voice from behind them, previously hidden by the side of the tent. The pair of them thought they were alone in Shaun's send off, so when they spun around to see Jacob standing there, smug, the pair of them felt panic rising in their chests.

 

“Oh god.” muttered Lofty.

 

“Jacob, we’re begging you,  _ please _ don’t say anything.” pleaded Dom, taking a half step towards Jacob.

 

“Ah ah ah….” began Jacob, “I plan on having my fun with all of this. And I’m sure the Corporal would love to find out about this little secret romance.”

 

“Don’t do this Jacob, this isn’t right and you know it. Dom’s done nothing to you, it’s me you have the problem with-”

 

“Exactly! That’s exactly why I’m doing this. Because I know if I hurt you both, it’ll hurt you more to see Dom suffer.”

 

“What’s the meaning behind all this?” asked Dom, "What's the point?"

 

“We never got on, did we Ben, always at each other. That punch, all those months ago, finally sent me over the edge, I was tired of you being coddled by Shaun, so now he’s gone I can do what I like.”

  
“Jacob, please, please don’t do this, who knows what they’ll do to us…” started Dom, but his own panic had muted the second half of his sentence.

 

“Jacob, we can talk, you can beat me up, you can do what you like to me. But please, let’s put a stop to this now.” bargained Lofty. 

 

“Hm, tempting, very tempting. But I don’t think so. You see, the thing is Lofty, the fun has only just started…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh i feel evil! but i do have everything planned out!!! trust me! 
> 
> comments and critisisms mean the world to me since it means i can keep improving, so please leave me one down below! <3


	9. The Future is Unknown

Days went by after Jacob threatened everything they had. He’d done it on purpose obviously, wanting to torture them with their own paranoia and fear, he waited patiently and enjoyed Dom and Lofty’s floundering and panic to its fullest extent. Jacob decided to keep the relationship a secret from Jack, he wanted to the revelation to shock everyone in the base, he wanted everyone to turn against the pair - especially against Lofty. All the while all Dom and Lofty could do was share worried glances to one another and keep themselves at a distance, they had to keep as under the radar as possible.

 

Almost an entire week went by without a single word or mention from Jacob (or the Corporal) about their relationship; the pair of them almost hoped it had all been a bad dream they’d shared, or a hallucination - but reality eventually came crashing down on the pair of them like a ton of bricks. It was almost dinner when it happened, the pair were sat in the squad tent, too nervous and paranoid to stomach anything, they took the silence and shared it between themselves (Jacob and Jack nowhere to be seen or heard). The comfortableness of the quiet had been completely shattered the day Jacob said he would expose them, the quiet became the enemy much as the Germans had, as much as the indecipherable whispers that travelled through the camp were too, everything seemed like an enemy - and the couple were bound to lose eventually. Dom sat on the edge of his bed thinking, and Lofty was sat at the writing desk they used to share. The pair of them were completely alone in the tent, both held their head in their hands and stared at the muddy floor below them, all that was audible was the quiet rise and falls of their breathing - until Dom spoke:

 

“I’m so scared, Lofty.” he admitted.

 

“Me too.”

 

“What’s gonna happen to us?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Will they kill us?”

 

“I don’t know Dom-”

 

“What if they tell our parents and friends at home why we were killed-”

 

“For Christ’s sake Dom I don’t know!”

 

Anger. Silence. Regret.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to yell. I’m just so…”

 

“Scared?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Paranoia. Silence. Fear.

 

Their conversation was cut short by the entering of Jacob into the tent, he stood there, smug and proud as he saw the couple’s faces pale and fall into looks of terror. He relished the moment as he stood proudly, pleased to finally get his revenge, proud of himself for being so patient.

 

“The Corporal wants words with you. Now.”

 

“What about?” asked Dom, half hopeful.

 

A broad smirk appeared on Jacob’s face, his glassy eyes looked directly at Dom, and he spoke in a hushed tone, “Oh I think you already know.”

 

With that Jacob walked out of the tent, Dom and Lofty looked at each other, fear outlining every expression on their faces. This was it? This was the end? This was how they’d be ripped apart? The pair stood up in unison, Dom was about to walk out of the tent and over to the Corporal’s office when he felt something hold him back: Lofty. Lofty was hugging him, so tightly he felt as if he couldn’t breathe properly, but he didn’t care, as soon as he realised what was happening Dom was quick to reciprocate the hug, squeezing just as tightly as Lofty was.

 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this again, if this is the last time, I want you to know I’m in love you.” Lofty spoke,his face buried into Dom’s shoulder, his voice coddled and muffled by Dom’s uniform.

 

“I love you too.”

 

The two of them wished they could stay like that forever, that time would stand still and prevent the inevitable from taking place, but both were extremely aware of how harsh their reality was, and it was no longer the time or place for day dreaming of a world where they would be accepted. No, it was time to face the truth, and face the consequences of something they would not control. The couple released each other from the embrace, both close to tears but neither crying, the looked at each other dead on before walking out of the tent, their hearts racing and throbbing and pounding as they walked over to the Corporal’s tent. When they arrived, Lofty (despite trying to keep his voice steady) shakily spoke:

 

“Permission to enter, Corporal?”

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Private’s Chiltern and Copeland, sir.”

 

“Ah, good, please come in.”

 

When Dom and Lofty walked into the tent neither were surprised to see how nice and homely it was furnished: a proper desk and comfy looking chair in the center back of the large tent, cabinets and sturdy looking filing draws stood regimental on the left and right of the desk. Despite such cabinets, paperwork and maps were scattered everywhere, and in the middle of all this chaos sat a man; sat in the comfy looking chair behind the desk: he was rather tall, not fat but not muscly either; his hair was streaked with varying shades of grey and silver and his face was round and cheery looking - as if he’d spent his whole life smiling. Corporal Levy, a nice enough man with a very important job, his next decision would be life changing in more ways than one. Dom and Lofty were quick to salute upon entering the tent but Corporal Levy was just as quick to tell them it wasn’t necessary.

 

“Not needed, at ease the pair of you.” he said, once the pair had done so he spoke again, “Now, I’ve been informed of something by Private Jacob Wilson.”

 

“Please Sir, it’s nothing, really he’s-” began Dom.

  
“Did I say I was finished speaking.”

 

“No sir, sorry sir.” apologised Dom.

 

“As I was saying, Private Wilson has informed me of some concerns he has about the two of you. Regarding how close your relationship is with one another. He says he saw you on two occasions acting very intimate and romantic with one another, and wishes for me to do something about it - to put an end to all of it.”

 

“Two occasions?” asked Lofty.

 

“Yes, one with the pair of you walking out of a wooded area together, acting extremely close, and the other where you, Private Chiltern, had your arm wrapped around Private Copeland’s waist.”

 

“I can explain that Sir-”

 

“No, no I don’t think you can Private Chiltern.”

 

Dom and Lofty stood there staring at the floor, each feeling as if they were about to pass out or have a heart attack, or both. They were each positive that the Corporal could hear their heart’s pounding like church bells, pure panic sending adrenaline and toxic fear into their systems.

 

“Yes, Private Wilson would like me to take care of the issue, and as much as it’s standard procedure to have you tried and sent for capital punishment… I don’t plan on shedding innocent blood.” when he saw Dom and Lofty look up from the floor he continued speaking, “I see no problem with two people in love, man or not, my own faith does not lead me in everything I do - and I know the pair of you are good men, good soldiers, who have gone above and beyond for our country.”

 

The two privates let out a sigh of relief - too soon.

 

“But I can’t let this go. If I do they’ll put my head on a metaphorical chopping block. I’ll ensure neither of you are killed for this, but it does mean I’ll have to separate you both into completely different sections.”

 

A sharp intake of breath could be heard from Dom.

 

“You won’t be seeing each other till the war is over. Once it is I have no control over what you to do together, once the war is over you two can have your happily ever after, but right now this is the best and only option I have without sending you both to death.”

 

Lofty tried to remain calm, “Who’s going where?”

 

“It’s up to you. One of you will move to another camp and remain behind the lines, the other will be transferred back to the front lines-”

 

“I’ll go, to the front lines.” replied Lofty, cutting the Corporal off.

 

“What? No don’t be stupid-” began Dom.

 

“No, my choice, I want to go back to the front. Corporal Levy I’ll be transferred, say you’ll transfer me.”

 

“You seem eager to go there for some reason-”

 

“Say you’ll transfer me!”

 

“Alright!” agreed the Corporal eventually, “Alright, if that’s what you want. I’ll send you there.”

 

“How long do we have, together?” asked Dom.

 

“Transfer trucks are already here from a supply drop off. You’ll both be leaving immediately.”

 

“ _Immediately?”_ repeated Lofty, struck dumb by how quickly they were being pulled apart.

 

“I’m afraid so, if I keep you any longer or till the next day, I fear Private Wilson will tell the whole camp of your relationship - who knows what’ll happen to you then. Before you head back to your tent to pack, I suggest you get your goodbyes out of the way now - it’ll be your only chance. I’ll turn around if it helps.” and the Corporal did so, turning his back on the two Privates to give them as much privacy as he could afford to give them. Upon doing so Dom turned to face Lofty and visa versa, Lofty felt Dom’s grip grasp desperately at the material of his shirt, and Dom saw Lofty’s eyes look at him in sheer panic.

 

“No, no, no, no, no, I’m not ready, I can’t be ready I don’t want this to happen.” blurted out Dom as he looked Lofty up and down, trying to take as much of him in as possible, “This can’t be our goodbye…”

 

“I’m afraid it is, but be thankful the Corporal is giving us this chance, in most cases we’d be dead already.”

 

“I don’t want you going back to the front.” said Dom, tears now falling down his face, “I don’t want you to go. Please love don’t leave me alone, don’t...”

 

“I have to.” replied Lofty, trying to remain strong, he held back any tears that wanted to squeeze through, he could feel a large lump choking him in the base of his throat, “I have to go.”

 

Dom eventually collapsed into Lofty and hugged him, Lofty could feel Dom’s tears through his shirt, he could feel Dom’s torso shake with emotion, and before long the tears he’d kept back made their way down onto his face and his chest heaved with sharp, tear consumed breaths. The pair of them stood there, holding onto each other desperately, wishing they’d spent less time panicking and more time together in the lead up to their separation. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Why did it have to happen to them? Hadn’t they dealt with enough?

 

“No, God, no this isn’t right…” sobbed Dom, his heart refusing to accept the truth, just like Lofty he didn’t want their reality to be real; the pair of them wanted it to be a vivid and wild dream - or rather, nightmare. They both wanted to wake up together and realise everything was fine.

 

But everything wasn’t fine.

 

Lofty dried his face with the back of his hand, and pulled his head up from the hug to look at Dom, Dom then looked up to face him too; his own face still covered in a layer of salty tears. Lofty set about drying Dom’s face gently with a handkerchief from his pocket, once cleared of tears Lofty tried his best to speak calmly:

 

“Hey, we’ll meet each other again.”

 

“But when?” asked Dom, looking at Lofty with tears creating shining highlights in his eyes.

 

“I don’t know, but, I hope we will. I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too…”

 

With that Lofty did the only thing he thought of left: he gave Dom one final kiss. Not too passionate, not to sweet and short, it was a real kiss - the kind that stays on your mind for years to come, the kind that gives you butterflies, the kind that makes you realise how hopelessly in love you are. Dom kissed back, carefully cupping the side of Lofty’s face in one of his hands (as if Lofty would shatter like glass into a million pieces at any moment), his heart screaming in pain and anger - it made no sense as to why they were targeted, there was no reason to be criminalised for a basic human emotion. But Dom didn’t let this feeling spoil the moment, he filed away to the back of his mind and made sure to focus on Lofty. The kiss itself only lasted a few seconds, when they pulled away Lofty went back to looking into Dom’s eyes.

 

“We’re ready.”

 

Corporal Levy promptly turned around, drying tears off his own face, it was apparent he felt guilty. He felt terrible, he hated the thought of separating, but he knew it was a safest solution for them. He cleared his voice before speaking:

 

“Hm, yes, yes, both of you go to your tent and pack your things, the truck will be waiting.”

 

“Yes Corporal.” replied Lofty, speaking for both himself and Dom.

 

“I’m so sorry, to the both of you. It was never my intention to turn into a man like this, this wasn’t what I signed up for - I never wanted to hurt those who’ve done nothing wrong.”

 

“We know Corporal. Thank you for saving us, and giving us one last moment.”

 

With that the pair of them left the tent, they felt like collapsing (their legs having turned to jelly), every soldier around them looked confused at their red faces - obviously none of them knew of their relationship… yet. With Jacob still around no doubt they’d be told once the two of them had gone. Dom would only look at the muddy field floor, his mouth dry, his face damp, his heart broken, he felt voiceless. The two of them walked back into the tent, surprisingly Jacob wasn't there waiting for them so he could gloat. Jack was nowhere to be found, so neither of them could give him one last goodbye - they both silently decided they'd write him a letter later, to say goodbye properly. They set about packing their things, in unbreaking silence, within a matter of minutes the pair were ready to go (due to the lack of clothing and items the pair had between them). They were already to go despite the both of them having dragged out the packing process to as long as possible, and they hated it, with every step closer to being separated the more the pair felt sick. But eventually they had to leave the tent before they were forcibly removed from it.

 

Dom and Lofty walked out of that tent as close to hand in hand as they could, in the near distance they saw two transport trucks waiting: Dom was to get in one, Lofty was to get in the other, both going in opposite directions. The pair threw their bags into their respective vehicles, and said goodbye one last time by giving each other a tight hug. The both of them taking in one last breath of each other, for what they both prayed wouldn’t be the last time. When they eventually parted from the embrace (in case another on looking soldier took a problem with it), Lofty spoke:

 

“Oh, I nearly forgot to give you this…” he said as he removed his dog tags from around his neck.

 

“Lofty you need these-”

 

“I already got a new pair, as soon as Jacob said he was gonna tell the Corporal, I said I lost this pair and I got a new set made.”

 

“Are you sure you want me to have these?” asked Dom as he took the dog tags from Lofty anyway, “I don’t have anything to give you.”

 

“You heart was enough, it was always enough.”

 

“Well I’m very happy I gave it to you.” replied Dom.

 

“Likewise, Dom.”

 

That was the closest they could get to an “I love you” without actually saying those three words, but for the pair it was enough. They each got into their trucks and were soon driven away from one another, Lofty’s journey to the front lines wasn’t too long, not with Dom on his mind it wasn’t - he already missed him. Dom kept his mind on Lofty too, sketching every detail of his face into his mind again, he was almost in such a trance he didn’t notice when his truck had parked and stopped at his new base.

 

For the pair of them, all they could do was hold onto the past they’d been able to share, because the future was going to be very different. And the very thought of that future, scared them both so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> hope you could enjoy!


	10. Resetting the Clock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Ugh, honestly it's quite sad it's all over. I'm hoping everyone who's read this has enjoyed the journey!

Weeks had passed since the pair had been separated, months in fact - so much so they were long into the year of 1918. The pair had been denied all communication with one another: if Lofty sent a letter Dom would receive it with all of Lofty’s words blacked out and completely impossible to read (and visa versa). Dominic tried to settle in his new camp, but he couldn’t, not at the thought of not knowing what was happening to Lofty… he repeatedly told himself he’d simply have to wait until the end if the war, when it finished Lofty would be able to write to him - and Corporal Levy would no doubt help them find each other. He was well aware of the series of attacks that were taking place one the front lines, he knew Lofty was apart of those attacks. Everyday he sat there and silently prayed that Lofty would make it - it was the only thing that kept him going...

He was confident Lofty would write to him, and one day he’d be able to read what those words said.

 

Little did he realise at the time, just how terrible those words were…

 

It was early November of 1918, the 7th, when Dom received that letter. The letter that changed everything. He was sat in his tent on base at the time, at the edge of his bed, chatting to other soldiers; suddenly a messenger soldier came into the tent and delivered him the letter. Dom promptly took the letter from the messenger; he saw the envelope was addressed to him, but there was no return address. Slightly confused by this he tore open the seal of the envelope and began reading, oblivious to the words that would soon seal his future:

 

_“Dom,_

_This letter may never reach you. It may never even reach your grasp or line of sight; but if you are holding this and reading this right now, then please know I am already dead. I know how odd that sounds, I didn't think writing about my own death (before it's even happened) would feel so strange, so real. I’m so sorry I didn’t survive to see us last, to see us together again once more; I am so sorry for never telling you just how much you mean to me. I could never express it in words, or a single kiss, or intimate moment - nothing can suffice to make you understand how much I’m in love with you. We’re about to go over the top again, another push. I chose to be here._

 

_Before we met with the Corporal I heard him speaking to someone about organising another few pushes at the front line, when he said one of us would be sent there I know I had to go  - I couldn’t let you go like that. Please don’t blame yourself for the choice I made by coming here. Hopefully someone will find this letter on my body and rewrite it; and then it’ll be sent to you and you’ll read it._

 

_I never did thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me._

 

_I’m a bit scatterbrained, I don’t know what to write, I don’t have enough time to get it all across._

 

_Maybe in some distant future we could’ve married, I’d work hard like you and we’d spend our days comfortably and happily, we’d adopt dogs and treat them like they were_ our _children! We’d laugh as we told stories we'd be there for each other. We’d be in love without a war zone._

 

_If you’re reading this then I am dead. If you’re reading this please understand that as I lie there waiting, as I lie there bleeding and searching for the words to cry out; please know I’ll be smiling. I’ll be smiling because of all the memories we’ve shared, all the moments we’ve had, all the peace you’ve given me will make me feel calm as I lie there - and eventually I’ll lie there and I won’t be scared of the inevitable. It’s 1917 as I write this, it may be 100 years till we meet again, 100 years where we’re nothing but strangers to one another; but I’m confident that we’ll get to fall in love all over again, one day._

 

_I’m so sorry for not making it. I am so sorry Dom. But please know, I am and always will be hopelessly in love with you._

 

_Forever yours, and all my love,_

_Lofty.”_

 

By the time he finished reading the letter Dom was already a mess one the floor, chaos ran through him like blood, and confusion swept over his mind, he didn’t understand: _that was_ it, _that_ was how it was to all end? No, no that couldn’t be right, it had to be for some other Dom, sent by some other Lofty. It couldn’t be real. Despite his denial Dom knew the truth, he knew the reality. Lofty was dead. And he was never going to see him again. His already flowing tears intensified as his co-soldiers simply gawked at him, he clutched the letter closely to his chest; as if hoping it would give him the satisfaction of an embrace - _his_ embrace… But it did nothing. In the few minutes it’d taken him to read the letter his world had come crashing down, he’d unknowingly fallen so in love with Lofty, that his death left him paralysed in time. He felt his lungs fall short of normal function, and his chest begin to heave in and out, he was hyperventilating.

 

Dom stayed there, collapsed one the floor, and he cried. He openly sobbed, and he didn’t care who saw. By the time he’d stopped everyone had left the tent, no one had tried to help him, nobody was there for him, it was him stuck in that camouflage green tent, trying to struggle with the loss of the person he loved.

 

Of course, only  a few days later, on the 11th of November the war ended. No more bloodshed, no more loss, Dom had survived - but he knew a piece of him remained on the front lined with Lofty. He got to go home, see his mother Carole, he stayed with her and his father (although the two of them hardly spoke). Eventually Carole found Lofty’s final letter to Dom whilst cleaning the house and Dom had to come clean about everything he’d gotten up to during the war, everything he’d had with Lofty; and her heart broke for him. There were countless tears shed as he recounted everything over a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. His wounds were still open and sore, and he wasn’t ready to let them heal.

 

He never did fall in love again, not that he didn’t try, he attempted over and over - but nobody compared to Lofty, and he eventually gave up. For the remainder of his life he remained single and alone, his memories of his romance with Lofty keeping him company. Like Lofty, he too eventually faded into the history books, slipping away quietly in his sleep. Lofty had been in his early thirties, Dom in his early seventies. Both too young, both alone without each other.

 

Time went by without them, and soon enough almost 100 years had passed since Lofty’s letter had first arrived to Dom.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The year was 2017, Registrar Dominic Copeland had over done his triceps at the gym the previous night, and he was in no mood for anyone or anything to get in his way. He and Essie had been struggling with the sheer number of patients all day, they were completely overrun, making his mood sour even more. As he attached fluids to another drip stand Sacha walked past him, both he and Essie complained of the amount of patients being wheeled through - Dom silently prayed for someone to come a long and help lessen the workload.

 

Nurse Benjamin “Lofty” Chiltern stood outside Holby City hospital, unaware of his previous life, he took in its once familiar air and made his way inside. He looked around to see a cafe and and its customers, as well as a nearby lift. He got on, and pressed one of its buttons that would take him to the Keller Ward, mid way through his journey in the metal box he was joined by two nurses and an elderly man (who was lying in a hospital bed), no one said a word till the old man spoke directly to Lofty:

 

“I say, your hair really is something else.”

 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” smiled Lofty, already enjoying the old man’s company, “My name’s Ben, but you can call me Lofty.”

 

“My name’s Theodore, but do call me Teddy, how come you’re here young man?”

 

“And old dream that never really died off.” smirked Lofty, “I’m here to work a shift as a nurse.”

 

“Getting back on the old horse?”

 

“Something like that.”

 

“Well I wish you the best-”

 

Before the old man could finish his sentence he suddenly collapsed, his complexion going pale and his body weak and limp;  immediately Lofty sprung to action and hopped aboard the hospital bed and straddled the elderly patient to perform CPR, eventually the elevator journey came to an end, and the nurses began to push the bed out of the metal box:

 

“He lost consciousness in the lift.” stated Lofty as he continued compressions one the man’s chest, “Low GCS, unresponsive.”

 

“Teddy Groames, transferred from the E.D with abdominal cramps, has a history of ascemic heart disease.” Lofty heard a male voice in the background say. As the bed was wheeled into a private room he heard another voice speak:

 

“Need someone to take over?”

 

“No, I’ve got this.” he replied, “Right can we get a cannula in please?”

 

Once this was all in place Lofty promptly hopped off the bed, where a tall greying man in a loud shirt stood waiting for him, “And you are?”

 

“Oh, I’m waiting for Mr Levy.”

 

“It’s _Levy_ , and I was hoping you’d say that.”

 

After a brief chat with Mr Levy about his up and coming shift, he was promptly greeted by two people; a woman in green scrubs and a man wearing dark red Registrar scrubs. They gave their names to him before starting their tour of the Keller ward:

 

“This is the staff room.”

 

“Where we bitch and moan!” Essie would chime in.

 

“This is the Nurses station, report any gossip here- not any, all.”

 

Whilst the whole ‘tour’ took place, Lofty couldn't help but feel his attention focus one the male Registrar - Dr Dominic Copeland. The name seemed to ring a bell _somewhere;_ but as to where that somewhere was, Lofty had no clue. Eventually his two tour guides led him to the staff changing room, where he promptly began getting ready for the shift ahead of him; eventually Dominic and his friend Essie left him to get ready alone, which also gave him time to think: Dominic looked incredibly familiar, even Mr Levy reminded him of someone, for a while as he got ready he tried to figure it out, bit to no avail. As he straightened out his blue scrubs he forced the thought out of his mind, he opened the changing room door and entered a world he hadn’t stepped in for years - and he didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and criticisms are very welcome! Please leave a kudos if you enjoyed! x

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know in the comments if you enjoy, I'm not begging for comments or kudos, but the comments let me know if you (the reader) enjoyed the story!
> 
> many thanks! <3


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